How it goes down at home.

See that post below?

Forget about it and everything it says because my uncle called and took back the job offer this morning. Said he had had a panic attack last night and knew this wasn't meant to be again.

My life is just something to mess with apparently. I just keep looking like an idiot and I was already depressed.

This isn't an april fool's joke either. I hate april fool's day and unfortunately I am living what just happened.

God just rocking my world.

This week at home has been for my mental health and to just be refreshed from my stupid routine of being worthless and trying to figure out my life. I also needed to look for jobs and start contacting people I met at the Biola career fair and all that fun stuff. Today is the first time all week I have been ready to conquer my to do list. As I sit down to follow up/research/look for jobs, my uncle calls. First he makes small talk, and I didn’t think anything of it, I know he was curious as to what I have been up to and all that (NOTHING UNCLE, BECAUSE I STILL DON’T HAVE A JOB). Anyways, I tell him what’s up and he says “well, we’ve been talking and praying and we still have no viable candidates for the position and definitely none that came close to you. I realized I have been going about it the wrong way…I can’t just have someone try it out and then go into the full time position…I need to have them start off as part time, get their feet wet a little, learn things along the way, and gradually take over the role…I was trying to throw you in there and no one would have passed that test and pleased everyone right off the bat like that. We are doing well financially as a church and are able to accommodate your circumstances and this position as a part time thing. So it’s totally up to you, but we would love to bring you on part time, full medical benefits, and work around your schedule, whatever else you have going on, whatever you need to do, just let us know, but we would love to give it another shot.”

My response was something like: “uh…wow…uh….”

him: “I know, it’s a lot to take in and I don’t want an answer right now, but pray about it and let me know whenever. There is no time frame and I believe this is the right way to do it this time, but only if you feel God wants you to as well.”

then I hung up and my mom and I sat there silently, in shock. (she could hear the conversation as she was sitting right next to me and my phone is loud). I think her first words were “part time with benefits? that’s non existent!” she had also been reading a book (I need to get the name of it from her) and had put it down when she realized what was happening in the phone conversation. But she reopened it and started reading where she left off…the paragraph she had left off on went something like this:

“when you receive criticism or bad news, you don’t completely trust in God’s assurance, instead you let it devastate you. you beat yourself up over it and you let it rule your life. you wonder what you could’ve done better and you let the failure surround you. this is not a result of your competence, but instead of your dry prayer life.”

bingo. I have never been good at daily devotions (I do pray for friends, family, decisions, etc) and that is something my uncle wanted me to have in my routine before he hired me. I started doing it while trying to get hired there, but that was to get the job, not because it was part of my routine. I stopped doing them after it fell through because I was letting the devastation rule my life, my thoughts, my actions.

my aunt had taken me out to breakfast the day after I did not get the job with them, and said that there was no one else to fill the position and it may end up that they ask me to reconsider in a few months. I was a little offended that they thought I would just be waiting around for them to ask me back. I told her that it was pretty much a closed door for me after that decision and that I was going to move on with my life. during that tough time afterwards, I talked a lot with my mom and neither one of us could come up with reasons as to why I would work towards that position for 2 months to have it end like it did. we could not figure out what I was to learn from that or why I had to endure that. I stuck with my decision that this would be a closed door…but that was for the full time position. It never even crossed my mind that part time would be an option and that I would gradually be able to work into this.

let’s look at the signs:

-Sunday-Pastor spoke on meditating on scripture and being rooted in the word, as people will be tempted to walk away from Christ if they are not doing this. This is something I have always struggled with doing and it definitely hit me that day. I made every intention to better myself in this area.
-I have a life crisis like 2 hours later.
-I go home for the week to try and “figure out my life.”
-my uncle calls right when I sit down and start looking online for new jobs.
-he admits they went about it the wrong way and offers it to me part time, with the ability to work around my schedule and any other circumstances.
-my mom is reading a paragraph DURING THE PHONE CALL that directly applied to what I went through.
-driving home tonight I hear this song, just crying and driving, the usual:

“I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me.”

I don’t deserve anything from God for hardly making an effort, but He STILL blesses me. Such a hard concept for me to get.

dang. talk about God rocking your world in a few hours.

Gimme that taco.

Facebook knows my love language. I DO need to eat that before I die.

And I continue to be weird.

I might regret this later, but this is my life right now...vlogging about stuff that doesn't matter.

Reminiscing.

Lately I have been reflecting back on missions trips from my past and what an experience each of them was. The devastation in Japan has me thinking about it even more now because of the help needed there, and I have been super annoyed with anyone that has made it about them somehow/made jokes about it. I’ve just been feeling lately that I want to get out and do something different. Something away from here, out of my comfort zone, but something that will allow me to meet great people and build great relationships. I have been a bit discouraged as the job I am working on taking looks like it will be a part time thing so I am already looking at other options. I am going to the Biola career fair in a few weeks and will check out my options around here. I really want to avoid working 2 part time jobs and just be committed to one thing. I have been praying for insight, patience, and perseverance lately that I will just find what God has for me and will follow through with whatever he puts on my heart. Reflecting on the good parts of my past has been comforting this weekend.

click here to see the full post with photos.

Get money, get paid.

So for anyone that has been under a rock this past week, I am almost EMPLOYED.

Literally the first interview after the job at the church fell through. The job will be working with people, preschoolers to old people, that have learning disabilities or are advanced and want to reach their potential. We would teach them how to learn, but not specific subjects like tutoring. It’s called brain training and it’s really taking off here. This is the website if you are curious and it explains it a lot better than I do. Unfortunately it costs a butt load and a lot of people can’t afford it, but hopefully it will be able to reach more. Students that go through the program improve their IQ by 15 points and improve their social skills as well. Students are assigned to different trainers (I would be a trainer) for a minimum of 12 weeks. We will do a lot of games and mental activities and things during that time that help them. In the interview we had to do crazy tests so they could make sure we had the capabilities to implement all these activites.

The interview was so long and I ended up getting interviewed at 10:00PM (reminder: bring book to future interviews). First they gave us a paper with b’s, d’s, p’s, q’s and told us really quickly one time that we had to circle one, triangle another, underline another, and cross out another. MIND NUMBING. We had 2 minutes to do the whole page and most people didn’t even hear the directions right. Then I went in a room with a lady who told me I had to replace certain sounds with different ones and finally she would say a word and I would have to say it backwards. CRAZY. I got all of them right except when she said FINE and I said ‘NIF’ and it should have been KNIFE because of the long “I” sound…OH MY BAD. Then next I went in a room with a girl who set up a metronome and I had to clap every other beat while telling her about myself. Then I had to clap every 3rd beat. I honestly don’t think I would have been able to do that without having played violin because I had to use one at my violin lesson every week, back in the day. HATE THAT THING. Then she pulled out a sheet of words that said different colors, but the colors of the word were different than the word. So the word ‘yellow’ would be blue. So I had to say the color the word was while clapping every other beat, every third beat, and then while the lady was distracting me. Then the final part of that was clapping every other beat and saying the color of the first word, the word of the next word, the color of the next word, the word of the next word, all while she was distracting me. AHHHHHHH!!!! They want to see that you can focus your attention on one thing. It was crazy and I thought for sure I got something wrong after all of it (it felt like an eye exam after awhile) but she said I got everything right. Then the last part was the interview with the boss lady who was super nice. She ended up being a pastor’s wife and completely understood my previous situation with the church. I was so relieved and felt God’s hand over that situation, as I was worried about how to explain that I was in process of getting hired at a church but it didn’t work out. To someone non-familiar with the church, that would just sound like “oh, she did something wrong and wasn’t good enough to get hired” but she understood the process so I was so thankful for that. She asked me a few tough questions (I am so bad at answering interview questions on the spot) but it went well obviously. So that’s it! It’s crazy and it’s in Orange so that commute sucks but I might move that way come June, depending on if the job is solid enough. I have to move out of Long Beach come the end of May anyways so I have to start thinking about it. I HATE MOVING. I need to hire someone to move for me next time because it sucked.

I went to training this past weekend and will observe sessions this week. We do all the brain activities in training and it is HARD. You have to be fast, you have to be correct, and you have to multi task. And we all take turns demonstrating the activities in front of the group. IT SUCKS but everyone supports each other when we mess up as we are all learning. I have made a friend too, she goes to Biola of course and we laugh our way through training together. Anyways, training lasts all through March with the certification test taking place at the beginning of April. It sucks that I have to wait that long to start working but that would be the case with any job I went and interviewed for right now. Prayers are appreciated that I will do my best and that I will pass the certification test, and that if I do get hired the hours are solid and the job is great. So far everything is looking good and I am super stoked.

God is good. I love thinking about how he had me looking at the church job for 2 months to stall me, so that I could be able to take this job opening and that maybe this is where I am supposed to be. Maybe later on I will get promoted or be able to take this program to the public schools. Maybe this training will be a factor in a future job I get. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know everything happens for a reason.