When I told my old boss

about going to Belize for Thanksgiving, he made sure to point out that lots of tourists get lost or left down there. I told him that he always ruins everything for me because he knows I have the worst luck, and then he laughed for 10 seconds straight. This is the email conversation that took place that evening:

I have never met anyone with a dryer sense of humor. I miss bantering every day.

oh ps, for blog followers I don't know, I am going to Belize for Thanksgiving. I assume everyone is my facebook/twitter friend if you are reading this though.

It feels good to know I'm going to heaven.

I can’t imagine wrestling with not knowing, or not being sure. Today at the park, while babysitting, 2 old men approached me and asked if I knew where my son would go if he died today (what a surprise, it’s only the 12th time someone’s thought the kid is mine…I kind of hate that I am old enough for people to say that…I just feel like a kid still).

I responded with “well…he’s not my kid…but I know I would go to heaven.”

The man asked me “and how will that happen?”

I said “when God comes back for His people…those that live for Him.”

Finally, he asked “well where is God’s spirit right now?”

“here on earth with us”

(at this point, the man realized I had my ish together…).

He then explained that it is a privilege for 2 old men to witness, because the end times are starting (eh…I believe that…but I also believe it could take another thousand years and I also know no one here on earth can know or say that). He asked me if the boy’s parents were believers (pretty sure they aren’t, since they're pretty hippie status…), I said I wasn’t sure, and he gave me a couple of their pamphlets to leave the parents. He really convicted me right then and there. It is one of my daily prayers that I will be a living example of Christ’s love, so that others may see it, but I never really go out of my way to proclaim anything like these 2 men were doing. Do people really see Christ in me, or am I only comfortable around fellow believers? Sometimes I am even weary of saying I went to bible college…but I shouldn’t be…it’s just natural to feel that fear in different situations, because of the uncertainty of what may come of the situation.

Later, I watched the 2 men approach a dad (who looked intimidating…I AM in Long Beach after all…there are scary people everywhere…I meet someone interesting EVERY TIME I GO TO THE PARK). He didn’t seem to be a believer, but he kept telling the man “there are only 2 ways to go right? up or down! up or down, man, up or down, that’s what I know, and I hope I am going up!” He couldn’t be more accurate. Except I don’t have to hope. I know. And that’s what kills me…how can people go through life being unsure? What do they feel is the purpose of their life? How do they make decisions and seek guidance/direction in times of need? How do they sort through hardships? It must be so empty.

Is this real life?!

I am officially a contracted teacher until June 30, 2012. WHAT?!?!?!?! I signed all the legal stuff and got my benefits set up.

I went to my school today and met other teachers and staff, and everyone was so warm and excited. One even took me aside and said “I told him (the principal) ‘get her! you’d better hire her!’ and he did!”

Then I met MY AIDE. Yes. A full time aide in my classroom. THIS IS NO PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM, that’s for sure. I am going to be spoiled, but at least I know how it really is in the public schools haha.

I have a week of teacher development in 2 weeks, and then I guess I can start setting up my classroom in August (again…WHAT?!?!?!?). I hope my mom can come down and help me with that because that would mean a lot, but that’s just wishful thinking probably.

I still just can’t believe it. I was looking at the staff pictures on the wall in the office, just in shock that I am REALLY going to be up there. I still feel like there is a glitch, like that I should just be an aide or part time or something, because that’s reality for so many right now and is what I was expecting…but this is real.

I AM A TEACHER!!!!!!

I am blown away.

I’m sure if you are reading this you know by now that I am going to be teaching Kindergarten in the fall. I am in shock still. I thought for sure when I found out that I would break down out of relief and pure joy…but I was just shocked and numb and couldn’t believe this was reality. Typical me, always made of stone (hate that). I never thought the impossible would happen. But God is bigger than I CAN COMPREHEND, and planned this 50 years ago when my grandparents started to attend that church and enrolled my mom in that school. Then my cousins went there as well…and now a 3rd generation is going to teach there when no other doors were opening. This confirms to me so many things…that God wants me to teach and He will make the impossible happen (out of 40 applicants!) to do so. This also shows how God’s blessings never end because my grandparents gave so much to that church and their family is STILL reaping the benefits, this time in their granddaughter getting a job. Not just ANY job, but a REAL teaching job, at a school that has so much meaning to us.

It’s hilarious too, how this is the only job I just sent out my information too…there were no postings, no use of a website…nothing. This principal also had more than enough applicants and at the last minute, he STILL had me come in and put me through to the next round. It’s also hilarious that I got 5 other job interview offers yesterday and was freaking out about telling them I was waiting to hear on this. I felt so dumb because realistically, I wasn’t going to get it…BUT I DID.

I have been applying for jobs since January…over 65 total. It was a full time job in itself and there were ALWAYS jobs to apply to…whether it was googling all the schools/places of employment around here and sending them my info, or responding to every post on edjoin, acsi, monster, Biola classifieds, OC/LA classifieds, and indeed.com. I always felt like I wasn’t doing ENOUGH to apply, but I was spending entire days applying. It was 5 months of torture, but I am sooo glad I didn’t give up now and apply to Target. There were so many times I got sick of it and just wanted to work SOMEWHERE. But God had this for me.

I keep thinking about all the girls I graduated with and how no one I know of landed a teaching job...why me? Why does my God love me SO MUCH? Why did I ever doubt ANY of this?

So now..it is time to freak the HECK OUT. Hello, welcome to parent teacher conferences with the teacher who is younger than all the parents. HIFAEJDAKLJDAWOJEOA

Remember…when you are tired/sick/discouraged/giving up…God has something you…whether it’s now or a long time down the road…He has a plan. I cannot believe this was known 50 years ago.

Thank you EVERYONE who prayed. I am truly blessed.