I have taken a liking to Tumblr, ever since blogging about my student teaching experiences. Unfortunately, I am going to blog more over there now so feel free to join me. I am going to do my best to copy/paste my updates here still.
debbieddowner.tumblr.com
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
God will find a way
...to speak to you. I recently went to youth convention in San Diego, with my current church. They really needed leaders and the only thing I was going to miss was Black Friday shopping, which let's be honest, student teaching doesn't provide any income so that would have been a waste of time.
I knew that I needed to hear God's voice that weekend, because I hadn't been on a retreat like that since like... HIGH SCHOOL. Wow. Phil Wickham was leading worship the entire weekend and I am a huge fan, so I knew this would be amazing. I didn't know how amazing though. I was so sick of going through life, not feeling like I was on fire for God. I went from church to church, missing my church back in Visalia, but knowing that it wasn't the same because what I was missing was being in a youth group, and I am an adult now (whether I choose to believe that or not). This weekend reminded me of how great Jesus' love is for us. I love feeling His presence in the room, and having speakers that are so grounded in the word that they can pick out verses that are so personally applicable to your life that you feel like he is directing the message at you.
Even though it was awesome, I now face the aftermath. The message focused on 'Being the Change' and affecting those in your everyday life so that you are making a difference for Jesus, not matter how small of a difference you are capable of. The decisions you make can affect others so dynamically, we can't even comprehend the affect we can have on people.
I always hate how everyone goes on church retreat, comes back on fire, and a month later life is the same. IT NEVER FAILS. However, this CHANGE is within our power. We have to fix our mentality as human beings to overpower the urge to return to our wordly, 'normal' lifestyle. Do we not realize that this is where we experience all of our pain and suffering? When we are not living for God? I realize it even when I am caught up in the world, yet it is still so hard to get in the right mindset.
Lately, I have been thinking about all my mistakes and how much my testimony has changed since senior year of high school. I am the kind of person that holds emotions inside, and most the time I can't even FEEL anything. It hurts more to lack emotions than to deal with them, in case you were wondering. So now, 3 years later, I am dealing with the effects of my decisions and how much I regret them. But this weekend showed me to focus on what I can do in the future, not what I have already done. I know the enemy wants me to focus on those things so that I feel weak and worthless, but I know He has enabled me for greater things.
That was what God did for me and I am going to do my best not to fall back into my normal, boring life. I was in charge of 3 amazing 6th grade girls that weekend who really blessed me. One would worship with her arms raised and would encourage the other two to join her. Their innocence is refreshing, as they are right before that age where temptation starts to control your life. The Wednesday after convention, one of them got up to share what God had done in her life that weekend, and I was just crying like a proud mom hahaha. It's great to feel this way again and it's even greater to see that others are feeling the same way.
I knew that I needed to hear God's voice that weekend, because I hadn't been on a retreat like that since like... HIGH SCHOOL. Wow. Phil Wickham was leading worship the entire weekend and I am a huge fan, so I knew this would be amazing. I didn't know how amazing though. I was so sick of going through life, not feeling like I was on fire for God. I went from church to church, missing my church back in Visalia, but knowing that it wasn't the same because what I was missing was being in a youth group, and I am an adult now (whether I choose to believe that or not). This weekend reminded me of how great Jesus' love is for us. I love feeling His presence in the room, and having speakers that are so grounded in the word that they can pick out verses that are so personally applicable to your life that you feel like he is directing the message at you.
Even though it was awesome, I now face the aftermath. The message focused on 'Being the Change' and affecting those in your everyday life so that you are making a difference for Jesus, not matter how small of a difference you are capable of. The decisions you make can affect others so dynamically, we can't even comprehend the affect we can have on people.
I always hate how everyone goes on church retreat, comes back on fire, and a month later life is the same. IT NEVER FAILS. However, this CHANGE is within our power. We have to fix our mentality as human beings to overpower the urge to return to our wordly, 'normal' lifestyle. Do we not realize that this is where we experience all of our pain and suffering? When we are not living for God? I realize it even when I am caught up in the world, yet it is still so hard to get in the right mindset.
Lately, I have been thinking about all my mistakes and how much my testimony has changed since senior year of high school. I am the kind of person that holds emotions inside, and most the time I can't even FEEL anything. It hurts more to lack emotions than to deal with them, in case you were wondering. So now, 3 years later, I am dealing with the effects of my decisions and how much I regret them. But this weekend showed me to focus on what I can do in the future, not what I have already done. I know the enemy wants me to focus on those things so that I feel weak and worthless, but I know He has enabled me for greater things.
That was what God did for me and I am going to do my best not to fall back into my normal, boring life. I was in charge of 3 amazing 6th grade girls that weekend who really blessed me. One would worship with her arms raised and would encourage the other two to join her. Their innocence is refreshing, as they are right before that age where temptation starts to control your life. The Wednesday after convention, one of them got up to share what God had done in her life that weekend, and I was just crying like a proud mom hahaha. It's great to feel this way again and it's even greater to see that others are feeling the same way.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I have a life outside student teaching, I promise.
I need to try to keep this blog updated. I can't neglect it just because I have a separate blog about student teaching now!
Today I had to finish my online traffic school. I have my huge TPA 4 due Wednesday, and of course I waited for the last minute to do the traffic school as well. I make awesome choices. But in my defense, I am battling pneumonia, my grandpa's funeral was Friday, and extended family has been here since Thursday, so it was a little hard to say 'hey guys, I have a TPA to work on".
Anyways, I thought I would share some of the fun I had in traffic school!
Today I had to finish my online traffic school. I have my huge TPA 4 due Wednesday, and of course I waited for the last minute to do the traffic school as well. I make awesome choices. But in my defense, I am battling pneumonia, my grandpa's funeral was Friday, and extended family has been here since Thursday, so it was a little hard to say 'hey guys, I have a TPA to work on".
Anyways, I thought I would share some of the fun I had in traffic school!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
My decision:
So, all my avid readers (aka randoms that are browsing the web, or friends that stumble upon this months later) are probably dying to know what the 'big changes' are...
The anticipation must be killing you.
Well, I had a couple of options. Upon having so many crazy events happen to me this summer, and reflecting on other crazy events that have happened to me, that don't happen to most people, I became motivated to describe these events, one blog post at a time, and entertain people with the realness of my life.
Then student teaching became my life a lot faster than I had anticipated, and I decided I should blog about those experiences for sure, as I could reference the blog as a learning tool/look back into my life later on.
But the question was, do I blog about student teaching on my personal blog here? I have decided I will be starting a different blog, specifically for that. This way, whenever I have time (which, let's be honest, will be next year), I can turn this blog into the place where I share my crazy occurrences.
So without further adieu:
http://tiredstudentteacher.tumblr.com/
The anticipation must be killing you.
Well, I had a couple of options. Upon having so many crazy events happen to me this summer, and reflecting on other crazy events that have happened to me, that don't happen to most people, I became motivated to describe these events, one blog post at a time, and entertain people with the realness of my life.
Then student teaching became my life a lot faster than I had anticipated, and I decided I should blog about those experiences for sure, as I could reference the blog as a learning tool/look back into my life later on.
But the question was, do I blog about student teaching on my personal blog here? I have decided I will be starting a different blog, specifically for that. This way, whenever I have time (which, let's be honest, will be next year), I can turn this blog into the place where I share my crazy occurrences.
So without further adieu:
http://tiredstudentteacher.tumblr.com/
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Days off work = productivity.
I am only working TWO AND A HALF DAYS a WEEK which is basically causing me to go insane because it's summer and most my friends are not here. So on my days off, I strive to be productive. Doesn't usually work, but yesterday was a success. I:
made breakfast, tried to get the router set up for internet so we don't have to steal it anymore (I failed, but trying is still being productive), walked to Biola to be somewhat physically active, got my dad a Biola hat for father's day, went to the ATM, stopped by campus safety to visit my old job, walked/jogged back home, went through all my mail and paid bills and rsvp'ed to things, made lunch, unloaded all the dishes, took all the recycling from the last year at the house and broke my flip flop in the process causing me to look like a homeless girl while sorting my cans and bottles because I had to drag that sandal with me whenever I tried to move, went home and showered, talked to my cousin, talked to Abby, hung out with Emily who was visiting for the night, tried to fix the internet again (failed), ordered pizza, and watched a movie before bed.
and now I am really enjoying the new Kelly vlog:
made breakfast, tried to get the router set up for internet so we don't have to steal it anymore (I failed, but trying is still being productive), walked to Biola to be somewhat physically active, got my dad a Biola hat for father's day, went to the ATM, stopped by campus safety to visit my old job, walked/jogged back home, went through all my mail and paid bills and rsvp'ed to things, made lunch, unloaded all the dishes, took all the recycling from the last year at the house and broke my flip flop in the process causing me to look like a homeless girl while sorting my cans and bottles because I had to drag that sandal with me whenever I tried to move, went home and showered, talked to my cousin, talked to Abby, hung out with Emily who was visiting for the night, tried to fix the internet again (failed), ordered pizza, and watched a movie before bed.
and now I am really enjoying the new Kelly vlog:
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Hardest Thing I've Ever Done.
I knew this point would come.
I sit in my room with the door closed, listening to my new housemates laugh and talk out in the kitchen and I feel like I've hit rock bottom. When they were all making friends with each other, it was still too soon for me to make new friends while I was getting over all my best friends leaving. Now, I am the "older, quiet, housemate". Laughter is supposed to be an infectious sound, but it saddens me to hear that because it can never replace the laughter I used to have in this house.
Almost everyone I care about in the world has moved on to bigger and better things, and the majority of them, far away from here. I have no idea what is to look forward to. What will be my motivation? How am I supposed to look forward to student teaching when I am already sick of going to work everyday, coming home, eating, and going to my room.
A walk around Biola today only solidified the fact that this chapter in my life is now closed. I am not getting married, I don't have a significant other, the job market is awful, and my friends are far away from here.
I know God will bring new friends and plans into my life just like He has in the past, but this is almost unbearable. I will have to pray for motivation to continue on, but it's hard with no friends nearby to have heart to hearts with, to hang out with, to just fellowship with. It's not the same when they are miles and miles away, busy with their own thing, and only have the time to check in every once in awhile with a text or maybe a facebook message. It's not the same when they say "give me a call anytime, I'm here for you" because you don't want to be that person that has to call. You want someone that is already around.
If you are supposed to have 7 physical touches a day to be emotionally healthy, I am severely emotionally deprived and I don't know what to do about it.
I sit in my room with the door closed, listening to my new housemates laugh and talk out in the kitchen and I feel like I've hit rock bottom. When they were all making friends with each other, it was still too soon for me to make new friends while I was getting over all my best friends leaving. Now, I am the "older, quiet, housemate". Laughter is supposed to be an infectious sound, but it saddens me to hear that because it can never replace the laughter I used to have in this house.
Almost everyone I care about in the world has moved on to bigger and better things, and the majority of them, far away from here. I have no idea what is to look forward to. What will be my motivation? How am I supposed to look forward to student teaching when I am already sick of going to work everyday, coming home, eating, and going to my room.
A walk around Biola today only solidified the fact that this chapter in my life is now closed. I am not getting married, I don't have a significant other, the job market is awful, and my friends are far away from here.
I know God will bring new friends and plans into my life just like He has in the past, but this is almost unbearable. I will have to pray for motivation to continue on, but it's hard with no friends nearby to have heart to hearts with, to hang out with, to just fellowship with. It's not the same when they are miles and miles away, busy with their own thing, and only have the time to check in every once in awhile with a text or maybe a facebook message. It's not the same when they say "give me a call anytime, I'm here for you" because you don't want to be that person that has to call. You want someone that is already around.
If you are supposed to have 7 physical touches a day to be emotionally healthy, I am severely emotionally deprived and I don't know what to do about it.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Sometime Around Midnight.
The song, "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event, has been out a few years now I think. EVERY time I catch it on the radio though, I leave it on that station and I get so attached to it. This song conveys the most passion I have ever heard (and yes, this is coming from Kelly Clarkson's number one fan, and she is the queen of conveying her emotions through songs). I think almost everyone can relate to it, even if you haven't been in a relationship really. We all have had someone, or been interested in someone, where the feeling wasn't mutual or even worse, they knew you liked them and rubbed it in.
I have never felt enough affection for a person in a relationship to even begin to imagine how much this song COULD mean, but it still strikes a chord with me, evoking feeling from me that I only feel with a few other songs.
Even in high school, liking that boy that knew that you liked him still even after things were over between the two of you, but he would hang out with that other girl right in front of you, and make eye contact with you every once in awhile, just to make sure you were watching and hurting.
I am sure there are numerous more examples, but the part that gets me is when he is practically screaming "and then you walk, under the streetlights, and you're too drunk to notice that everyone's staring at you." The emotion in his voice during that part is unreal, you can almost immediately feel the pain of the situation, whichever one you connect to for this song.
This is the verse that gets me the most:
"and she leaves with someone you don't know,
but she makes sure you saw her, she looks right at you and bolts.
and she walks out the door
your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes.
and your friends say 'what is it, it looks like you've seen a ghost...'
and you walk under the streetlights.
you're too drunk to notice that everyone is staring at you.
you don't care what you look like
the world is spinning around you.
you just have to see her.
you just have to see her.
you just have to see her.
you just have to see her.
you know that you're breaking in two."
The musical arrangement of this song is also pretty awesome. Great instruments and melodies.
Anyways, that's it. I heard that song about 3 times this week and got reminded each time how much emotion lies within it. I think I am terrified of when I am in that situation, coming from a real relationship, and THEN listening to this song. It just makes me realize how much things change once the person you are into, has been with someone else. I was watching the episode of Friends last night, where Ross and Rachel break up after Ross sleeps with another woman on the first night of their infamous "break". I have seen it so many times that I can quote the whole break up scene. But still, I can relate to her everytime I hear her tell Ross "you're a totally different person to me now."
This is really a random post but I do really like that song and what it means for me.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Graduation.
The day is here. Tomorrow morning I walk across that stage and get my diploma. I can't even fathom it still. Biola is a closed chapter in my life (minus student teaching). My friends will move home, my housemates will move out and new ones will move in, and real life will begin.
I am excited and anxious for tomorrow but also really sad too. I can't wait to see everyone.
I am excited and anxious for tomorrow but also really sad too. I can't wait to see everyone.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day Weekend.
3 weeks until graduation. This is getting hard for me. I am trying to savor it but it is so hard. I am really getting upset about the fact that the "best days of my life" are about to be behind me. What other time in my life will all my friends be around like this? We will all get real jobs and real lives and make new friends. All great things, but this chapter is closing, and that is hard for me.
Anyways, this weekend, I ate BBQ ribs every day (I. feel. disgusting.). Friday night was Biola's senior dinner. Got to sit with all my favorites. Saturday was Alex's bridal shower! Lindsey's was last weekend and they both were so fun. Can't wait to see those girls get marrried. Saturday night was the last college group hang out before graduation, where we played a hilarious game of fishbowl. Today was church and then I went to see my Grandma, Aunts, and Uncles, which was awesome. Then I went to Disneyland and spent some time with me cousins, which was so great too. I love family.
Now I am laying in bed, trying to process a lot of stuff. I hate how my emotions don't let me feel things until way later in life. One hint of that scent and I am dealing with things from 2 and a half years ago. Perfect timing. (sarcasm).
I think I am sick cause I am not feeling too hot. Dang. Almost made it the whole semester without being sick. This is a HUGE accomplishment seeing as how I spent every morning with Kindergartners this semester.
Anyways, it will be interesting/sad/bittersweet to see how these next 3 weeks go. God is so good to me though and I can't believe I got to spend 4 glorious years at Biola. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Anyways, this weekend, I ate BBQ ribs every day (I. feel. disgusting.). Friday night was Biola's senior dinner. Got to sit with all my favorites. Saturday was Alex's bridal shower! Lindsey's was last weekend and they both were so fun. Can't wait to see those girls get marrried. Saturday night was the last college group hang out before graduation, where we played a hilarious game of fishbowl. Today was church and then I went to see my Grandma, Aunts, and Uncles, which was awesome. Then I went to Disneyland and spent some time with me cousins, which was so great too. I love family.
Now I am laying in bed, trying to process a lot of stuff. I hate how my emotions don't let me feel things until way later in life. One hint of that scent and I am dealing with things from 2 and a half years ago. Perfect timing. (sarcasm).
I think I am sick cause I am not feeling too hot. Dang. Almost made it the whole semester without being sick. This is a HUGE accomplishment seeing as how I spent every morning with Kindergartners this semester.
Anyways, it will be interesting/sad/bittersweet to see how these next 3 weeks go. God is so good to me though and I can't believe I got to spend 4 glorious years at Biola. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Monday, April 26, 2010
SORRY BLOG.
I am unfaithful to you. I will pay more attention now.
I am done with everything on my April list I think. Since my last post, I have decided to stay in the Poner house and fill it with new girls. I have given countless tours and have almost nailed everything down. So that is what consumes my time now.
I am very excited for summer. Just working and feeling free. I renewed my Dland pass and am ready to hang out there a lot. I also have a Universal pass I need to use too.
Graduation is rapidly approaching and I am very excited/stressed. Announcements are going out and the after party is being planned.
Every weekend is busy still...bridal showers, bachelorette parties, pool parties, senior dinners, and homework of course.
I just can't wait to hang out in my bed and watch movies, and not to have to worry about some project due!!!!!!
ps. I saw Conan O'Brien last night and my life is now complete. If only I could find his clone so I could marry him.
I am done with everything on my April list I think. Since my last post, I have decided to stay in the Poner house and fill it with new girls. I have given countless tours and have almost nailed everything down. So that is what consumes my time now.
I am very excited for summer. Just working and feeling free. I renewed my Dland pass and am ready to hang out there a lot. I also have a Universal pass I need to use too.
Graduation is rapidly approaching and I am very excited/stressed. Announcements are going out and the after party is being planned.
Every weekend is busy still...bridal showers, bachelorette parties, pool parties, senior dinners, and homework of course.
I just can't wait to hang out in my bed and watch movies, and not to have to worry about some project due!!!!!!
ps. I saw Conan O'Brien last night and my life is now complete. If only I could find his clone so I could marry him.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Safe in His arms.
"those hands that made the whole world, are holding your heart. this is the promise He made, He will be with you always...'
"Safe in His Arms"-Phil Wickham
"Safe in His Arms"-Phil Wickham
Saturday, March 20, 2010
2 Months left.
I can't believe I GRADUATE COLLEGE in two months.
I am stoked, but when I think about how much I have to do between now and then, I have a tiny heart attack. Finishing redoing TPA 1 this weekend, TPA 3 due April 23rd, and redoing TPA 2 SOMETIME.
Then there is all my other "regular" school work. I am also booked every weekend until graduation I believe.
April 2nd-8th-Minnesota with Jess, Abby, Bry for spring break.
April 9th-work campus safety.
April 10th-Taylor Swift concert in Fresno.
April 11th-Bry's lacrosse game in Santa Barbara on way back from Visalia.
April 16th-Jess' birthday.
April 17th-Lindy's wedding at home.
April 18th-celebrate my own birthday at home.
April 20th-my birthday.
April 23rd-25th-Visalia with Jess, Abby, and Bry for Bry's bday.
May 1st-Lindsey's lingerie party.
May 7th-Biola senior dinner?
After that, I know I have another wedding thing to attend, and my friends and I are going to Wango Tango so whenever that is...
Also I will be moving out of Poner House graduation weekend in May. Hopefully God has a great plan for me after that, I know He will, it's just hard not knowing now. It's also hard having to move graduation weekend when everyone is visiting me.
okay...off to work on homework I guess.
I am stoked, but when I think about how much I have to do between now and then, I have a tiny heart attack. Finishing redoing TPA 1 this weekend, TPA 3 due April 23rd, and redoing TPA 2 SOMETIME.
Then there is all my other "regular" school work. I am also booked every weekend until graduation I believe.
April 2nd-8th-Minnesota with Jess, Abby, Bry for spring break.
April 9th-work campus safety.
April 10th-Taylor Swift concert in Fresno.
April 11th-Bry's lacrosse game in Santa Barbara on way back from Visalia.
April 16th-Jess' birthday.
April 17th-Lindy's wedding at home.
April 18th-celebrate my own birthday at home.
April 20th-my birthday.
April 23rd-25th-Visalia with Jess, Abby, and Bry for Bry's bday.
May 1st-Lindsey's lingerie party.
May 7th-Biola senior dinner?
After that, I know I have another wedding thing to attend, and my friends and I are going to Wango Tango so whenever that is...
Also I will be moving out of Poner House graduation weekend in May. Hopefully God has a great plan for me after that, I know He will, it's just hard not knowing now. It's also hard having to move graduation weekend when everyone is visiting me.
okay...off to work on homework I guess.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The House That Built Me
I love this song so much. and Miranda Lambert. and I hope her and Kelly tour because they both love each other and it would be amazing.
"The House That Built Me"
I know they say you cant go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.
But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
if I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From Better Homes and Garden magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave.
Won?t take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
"The House That Built Me"
I know they say you cant go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.
But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
if I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From Better Homes and Garden magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave.
Won?t take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Playing Games
I gotta stop. If I am even playing, that is.
I feel like lately I am one of those shake-up snow globes and every few days, someone shakes me and all my thoughts and feelings and desires are just everywhere and I don't know what to do.
and then I wake up and I am all settled...
until I get shaken again.
I feel like lately I am one of those shake-up snow globes and every few days, someone shakes me and all my thoughts and feelings and desires are just everywhere and I don't know what to do.
and then I wake up and I am all settled...
until I get shaken again.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Music is therapy.
I owe thanks to 2 of my favorite ARTISTS:
Kelly for covering this song so I was reintroduced to it, and Alanis for writing it.
Music is my life and this song speaks volumes, even Kelly's version which transitions into Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody."
I suggest you watch both performances.
These women are amazing.
Kelly for covering this song so I was reintroduced to it, and Alanis for writing it.
Music is my life and this song speaks volumes, even Kelly's version which transitions into Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody."
I suggest you watch both performances.
These women are amazing.
Friday, January 22, 2010
When I Grow Up...
I want to work in the music industry. NOT as a singer/performer, HA! Haven't played violin in a year which is depressing actually, and that is my only talent. But at a record label, or on a tour, or just ANYONE behind the scenes of the music industry. It fascinates me and I love it. Yes part of this has to do with my love for Kelly Clarkson, but honestly, she has opened me up to other performers I wouldn't necessarily appreciate without her approval. She has also allowed me enough of a look at the music scene and how it works and it is just something I would love to be a part of.
I had no idea how many aspects of the music industry had to come together to just promote an artist or to get a song on the radio until I started following Kelly SO closely, to realize how many factors are dealt with. I love trying to guess which songs on the radio will be successful. I love seeing how label and management promotion help an album or single to succeed. I would LOVE to be involved with some sort of art design/stylist assistance to an artist, to fit certain themes for certain moods or performances they are shooting for, whether it's a photoshoot or a special performance of a song.
It has been made apparent to me that my heart is just not in teaching, obviously, since I just majored in it since I had nothing else to major in. I love kids and will always have a PASSION for kids, it's just teaching does not bring out the best in me. And at this time in the world, especially the state of California, there are just so many negative things that one has to consider before attempting a career in education. It's so political now and the schools are in such horrible shape. One may say that's why they need great teachers all the more, however, I think there are way better prospective teachers out there, a lot of them are my peers, that would do a better job than I would.
When I think about teaching, I automatically think "ugh how long am I going to be able to HANDLE that?"
When I think about a career in the music industry, I automatically think "how long would I GET to do that?!"
I know the whole music industry thing isn't practical or realistic. People always ask if you could do one thing for the rest of your life and be happy with your job, what would it be? Easily, if I had the right job in the music industry, it would be that. However, I realize I am being very naive, as I do not honestly realize how the job WOULD be. I am sure there are aspects of it I would not like and you never know anything until you try it really, but that is what excites me.
So as they taught me in elementary school, I want to "dream big" and "shoot for the stars" and maybe my dream can come true someday.
Except I have no idea where to even start. This is where prayer comes in to play, especially with graduation rapidly approaching on May 29th.
I had no idea how many aspects of the music industry had to come together to just promote an artist or to get a song on the radio until I started following Kelly SO closely, to realize how many factors are dealt with. I love trying to guess which songs on the radio will be successful. I love seeing how label and management promotion help an album or single to succeed. I would LOVE to be involved with some sort of art design/stylist assistance to an artist, to fit certain themes for certain moods or performances they are shooting for, whether it's a photoshoot or a special performance of a song.
It has been made apparent to me that my heart is just not in teaching, obviously, since I just majored in it since I had nothing else to major in. I love kids and will always have a PASSION for kids, it's just teaching does not bring out the best in me. And at this time in the world, especially the state of California, there are just so many negative things that one has to consider before attempting a career in education. It's so political now and the schools are in such horrible shape. One may say that's why they need great teachers all the more, however, I think there are way better prospective teachers out there, a lot of them are my peers, that would do a better job than I would.
When I think about teaching, I automatically think "ugh how long am I going to be able to HANDLE that?"
When I think about a career in the music industry, I automatically think "how long would I GET to do that?!"
I know the whole music industry thing isn't practical or realistic. People always ask if you could do one thing for the rest of your life and be happy with your job, what would it be? Easily, if I had the right job in the music industry, it would be that. However, I realize I am being very naive, as I do not honestly realize how the job WOULD be. I am sure there are aspects of it I would not like and you never know anything until you try it really, but that is what excites me.
So as they taught me in elementary school, I want to "dream big" and "shoot for the stars" and maybe my dream can come true someday.
Except I have no idea where to even start. This is where prayer comes in to play, especially with graduation rapidly approaching on May 29th.
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