Change.

Usually I don't like change. But right now I appreciate it.

I love the internet for a huge reason: it serves as a giant time capsule. This could be bad if you are a celebrity and want people to forget certain things.

I have so much of the last 13 years of my life documented.

Anyone that knows me knows how much I love twitter. I just feel like I learn so much from the community of people I follow! Hahaha. I love the immediate news coverage, always being in the know, and making new friends (okay, okay, mostly in the Kelly Clarkson fandom, but they are still some of my favorite friends!). I also need that accessibility to celebs. Hahahaha. But overall, I love that twitter recently added a feature to go and look through your old tweets in your "archive" because before that, you could only go back a certain amount, and for people with like 14k tweets (yup), that just won't do. Now so many memories are remembered in 140 characters.

Then there was my student teaching blog, to document every step of that journey. I remember how many times I didn't want to write in that thing but still forced myself to so that I would remember what I felt. And if I hadn't, all of that would be forgotten and the change would have gone undocumented.

Going back through posts on this blog since 2008 on this blog show so much growth and such a journey. I thought I never wrote in this thing enough but am thankful for the many posts I see now, all the way from college sophomore, to graduation, to job search, to this rut.

Before 2008, I am so thankful for facebook, and even myspace, that documented so many funny memories of beginning college friendships that would last a lifetime.

And before that, xanga. Oh xanga. I love that you serve as a great reminder of my dramatic teenage self (age 13-19!!!) and hopefully I can use you someday to raise a sassy diva adolescent of my own. (SO many "the world is over, I wanna die" posts, it makes me want to make a "world is over, I wanna die" post right now).

And yes, even before THAT, I have emails from my first email account that remind me of how I'd race home after 7th grade, call friends on their house phones, and then email them back and forth for the afternoon.

Not to mention all those saved AIM convos...mortifying.

So thank you technology. My future children won't thank you because they will be embarrassed there are this many memories of their mother, but I do.

Below is even a little treat: my xanga page from 2002.

My Nineveh.

If it's possible to feel that life is moving so slowly, yet incredibly fast at the same time, then I'm living that way.

For instance, I'm a month away from starting my 3rd year of teaching. THIRD YEAR. Of a career. Time has flown.

On the contrary, I feel stuck in so many ways. Life feels so boring at times. I try not to get stuck in that kind of thinking, with try being the key word. It's hard though not to think of the routine you're in: work, church, same friends, same people trying to set you up with boys but really just accomplishing a realization of how no one is interested (also, why do people think a good question to ask a forever single girl is "how have you been single your whole life?" cause that always stings. Why people think I have an answer for that is beyond me). But, I keep trusting that God's plan is so much better than mine. Because it is. And sometimes, even though it's the last thing I want to hear, I remind myself that getting married is not promised to me. God might have other plans for my life that involve no husband.

Lately work has been rough. Real rough. And it's only summer school, so that was unexpected.

I'm enrolled at Biola to start school in the fall (ONE MONTH AWAY). I'll be "clearing" my credential (because all that work you do is just for a "preliminary" teaching credential and you have to "finish" it once you actually start working full time) by doing 4 more classes. I'm technically signed up to work on my Master's Degree at the same time, but with the way work is and rough road that lies ahead, I'm debating on waiting. I also am thinking of going into Speech Pathology eventually and no classes except Communicative Disorders classes will count towards that, so a Master's would be a waste if that was the road I chose, not to mention I'd basically need a new Bachelor's degree as well. But I keep thinking of career wise...I can't stay where I'm at forever. I know ministry is part of this job, and I absolutely love it, but realistically it's probably not going to be forever.

I am very thankful that I have a stable living situation finally, after so many horror stories. I'm very thankful for the friends that remain a constant, as so many friendships fade and I see no efforts made to reciprocate. I am very thankful for a church that is welcoming and where great things are happening. I am thankful for a God who always provides for me in the midst of life's trials.

Fall is approaching and I know it will show me many sicknesses, many breakdowns, many relationships tested, many tears, many (oh so many) frustrations, but hopefully many rewards. I'm reminded of a small group I joined in May. Frustrated with the options available for young adults who are in their mid twenties and NOT MARRIED (imagine that), my friend and I joined a young adults group at another church. At the first meeting ever, when I was hesitant about the time commitment I was making, the new friendships I "didn't  have time for", and my purpose of being there, it was very clear to me that God wanted me there as a girl admitted on the very first night that her mom was suffering from psychotic episodes, something that hits home for me. We shed tears together, and that was huge for me, as most close friends haven't even witnessed that. That night told me that there was a reason and purpose for this new commitment.

Anyways, in small group, we've been doing a study on Jonah and what our own "Nineveh" challenge may be: something we do NOT want to do, and do NOT understand. I felt dumb because I couldn't put my finger on a challenge I was refusing...everything seemed boring and unchanging in my life.

Then I found out my Nineveh would happen in the fall. I was angry, frustrated, and unwilling. Still am, honestly. Even though we finished the Jonah book, I understood why God made sure I did it...I was going to need it a little bit later.

So, here's to you fall 2013: I will not run away. And I will not get swallowed by a whale.