The only thing I had on my plate has a 5% chance of surviving.
Long story short, I could have had 2 different sub jobs going for me, but I am waiting on my credential to be processed before I apply with the sub paperwork. Problem is, subs have to apply before January 12 to make it for the February orientation (the sub job was middle of February). My credential won’t be processed by then, so unless I pay some fees and get hired as a non-credentialed employee, I can’t sub. That seems dumb to me though when my credential is literally in limbo and I also don’t have the money to spare as I have been jobless for 5 months.
Feeling frustrated, angry, useless, lost, sad…Been praying non-stop for weeks for God’s direction and will for my life right now and can’t hear it.
Don’t want to move home, don’t want to change states, but I am struggling here. Don’t like my options and feel like my hard work and schooling were such a WASTE when my options are the same as a teenager’s, and I am going to end up BABYSITTING.
I know a lot of people go through this after graduation, but one of the reasons I majored in education was because I wanted to do it and because YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING A JOB. There are no ‘what ifs’, you either teach or you don’t. And I don’t get to right now. I just feel like going in a different direction will lead to me never looking back at this profession.
I hate you California. For the first time in my life, I hate you.
Alright. Here is where I am at. My options are:
1). Sub and do odd jobs (tutor, nanny, teacher’s aide, Target, Starbucks).
2). Take the children’s ministries director position at my Uncle’s church. (It’s mine if I want it).
3). Move to Texas/Nevada for 2 years until the economy turns around.
Now number 1 sounds awesome except I would kind of be slacking off and I don’t want my resume to reflect the fact that I got a credential and then did odd jobs for a few years.
Number 2 is what everyone is telling me to do. I can stay where I am, do it for 2 or 3 years, and then teach. I would still be teaching children, but not in the classroom. It’s just not that easy. You don’t go into a MINISTRY position just because ‘it’s a job’. No. You have to be called and I am waiting for that. My mom keeps saying that this could be God’s way of providing for me until teaching turns around.
Number 3 has been on my heart more than I thought it would. I JUST moved and HATED IT (!!!!) so moving again sounds awful right NOW, but I do like the sound of starting a teaching career in the fall with a huge salary. What scares me is that I will build a life out there, maybe meet a guy, and then have to end up living in Texas…and I love California. It still seems exciting to me though. I don’t want to leave my life here though. I also don’t know anyone close enough for support and to do it all alone would be CRAZY.
It’s crazy to process all this and I am a mess trying to decide. Praying for God’s will and answers and peace all the time but still have no idea. I know it will come.
