So close, I can almost TASTE it.

I just know something is going to happen soon. I can feel it. I’ve waited long enough, been through enough, and my time has come. God is about to do great things in my life and I am ready for that. I’ve got two big things going for me right now: 1). I am still in the running for a teaching position (Kindergarten!) at the private Christian school here in Long Beach. Things have gone shockingly well…3 days after I sent in my resume/cover letter to the school, the principal himself called me up and wanted me to come in. He then had me do an application by the next day (that took all day to complete). Then I was chosen to meet with the board (out of 40 applicants, 3 made it this far). I can’t remember the last time I was that nervous, OR the last time over 20 people were praying for me (the power of prayer proves itself again). It went well and I was told I was what they were looking for, being highly qualified coming from Biola with the Bible minor (so stoked that paid off) and with the public AND ACSI teaching credentials (again…thanks Biola…2 things I thought I wouldn’t need just played huge factors in this situation by the principal specifically mentioning them…which is another reason I feel God’s planning is involved). The principal then told me they would reach a decision at the end of next week, but he invited me to open house the next day. Well, the next morning I got a call from him saying last night had gone well and that he wanted me to go ahead and meet with the rest of the board on Tuesday. Definitely not a bad thing! I feel like that is where they made another cut, so maybe it’s me and another candidate. Anyways, I decided it would be a good idea for me to go to open house so I did…hoping I would run into the principal so he would SEE me at open house…AND HE DID. Perfect. SO everything has gone about as good as it possibly can, and I am just not used to that. I am really trying to not get excited/think about this, because of how slim of a chance I thought I had…I hate disappointment. But I feel like I am so close I can taste it. And I keep thinking how big of a God I serve if this works out and He provides me with a teaching position when I thought it was impossible…I will just die if this happens. I will know WITHOUT A DOUBT, that THIS is what I should be doing…because I will know that He wants me teaching if I got this job with how the schools are right now…it is literally unheard of. My mom also asked the principal at her work about all of this, and that principal said the open house thing is a big deal. I feel like I am bipolar these days though, but I keep thinking about how shocked/thankful/dumbfounded I will be if I get the job…and then I think about how bummed I will be, yet again, if I don’t.

BUT that is where choice number 2 comes in right now. Out of nowhere, after a HORRIBLE day of discouraging events, I got called for an interview at a Christian printing company back in the La Mirada area (where I am moving back to…perfect). It is for an Administrative Assistant position, 8.5 hours a day, benefits, good pay, and it sounded amazing because they have everyone do daily devotionals and there is Bible study every Friday morning. They also do a lot of ministry as a team, during work hours. So even though the job is back in an office, doing some boring things, it still is somewhere I would be honored to work. Some people hate working in an office…I never did…I am good at it, I like dressing up, I like the environment, and I am not gonna lie…I am lazy so I would rather sit at my desk all day than stand. (I also secretly hope that I am like Pam from The Office, and that I can work with Jim Halpert). I feel like if I end up here, this was definitely part of God’s plan because of the secretary experience I have now getting me this job.

I just have this peace that out of these 2 major choices, God is going to put me exactly where I need to be and I can finally be at peace with wherever I end up, instead of worrying about giving up and working at your local supermarket. I will know without doubt or question that I am where I am for a reason and will be used there.

Obviously, the worst thing that could happen would be to not get offered either of these, but they both went SO WELL and I have hit it off with BOTH employers that it’s hard to fathom that happening…but it could…and I do have bad luck…but my God is a big God. If I do get let down, I’ll just go back to my 24/7 job search…I’ve applied for over 60 jobs now I think, so I’ll just keep at it.

Friendships

After venting to my mom about everything going on (don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for so many opportunities right now and am amazed I’ve stayed positive for so long now…I know a lot of people that would have had breakdowns the 2nd week of what I like to call “real life”…aka living on your own, looking for a full time job, and dealing with the rest of life without giving up) I am entitled to have a little rant.

You know when you are REALLY sad about something and you literally feel that knot in your stomach like you are nauseatingly empty? And it physically hurts? I have felt that a number of times when things get to me, and right now what’s getting to me is friendships. Some friendships I thought would never fall apart, are falling apart. And it hurts. People stop making efforts and everything changes. If you don’t make time for friends, then you don’t get to have friendships. It takes two or more equal parties WORKING (yes, working) to make something happen. It’s like a plant…a plant will die if it stops being watered. And I guess this plant is pretty dead.

But it hurts.

Sometimes it’s just so hard to be at where I’m at in life, especially since I only leave the house three days a week on average. It’s not that healthy to be at home all day and not even talk to another person. It’s lonely. And it’s extremely discouraging and depressing to have applied to over 40 jobs and hear next to nothing. So to have friends losing interest in me is just a way to kick me while I’m down. But I’m not giving up because I know moving home will be more miserable.

The best way to wake up

is to a phone call from a principal.

My mom was born and raised here in Long Beach and attended Bethany School (it’s a school and a church). My grandparents went to church there, and my aunt and uncle attended the youth events. When I was younger, it was where we went to church when we visited and I remember loving it.

So my mom had been bugging me to apply there, saying God had put it on her heart, especially since I was living so close now. They weren’t listed anywhere online with job openings so I had to call and ask if they were hiring. They said to send in my resume for review as they were still unsure about fall positions. That was in February. Haha. I decided to wait until May so that my resume didn’t get lost on a desk as they usually don’t do any hiring in February. I sent it out on Thursday. THURSDAY.

This morning I woke up to a voice mail from the principal, saying he had received my letter and resume and would love for me to come in, meet with me and fill out an application.

Needless to say, it was hard for me to fall back asleep as I was so overcome with emotion (happy) from that. A PRINCIPAL CALLED AND IS INTERESTED. I am trying not to get too excited or nervous, but I can’t help but think “what if?”

I just know the day I land a job, after not working for over 9 months, will be a day for the history books.

Things I am loving lately.

my new navy blue purse my roommate got me for my belated bday gift. I usually hate blue, but for some reason LOVED it on this purse. Love the style and love that it will match everything.

my semi new tan purse that the super awesome Maddie (who has an awesome fashion blog that I love) got for me while in Portland. I wear it daily and it is perfect for running errands, because I don’t even have to mess with it or take it off while driving. MATCHES LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

blue maxi dresses. again, weird. usually not a big fan of blue, but loving the navy because of what it can be paired with. I do not have one of these in blue, but once I am employed, it is first on the list. there’s also something so fun about wearing long dresses in the spring/summer.

These shoes, both from Target, ALMOST were purchased by myself yesterday until I realized, I HAVE NO MONEY AND WAS BEING HORRIBLY TEMPTED. I can’t wait to blow an entire paycheck on fun shoes once I get a job haha.

Jennifer Aniston in an actual color, and looking great, as usual.

Kelly has been dressed well this era, surprisingly, and this Betsey Johnson dress was perfect for the Coca Cola gig.

as if people haven’t raved about this enough, I will continue to do so because great, honest talent deserves attention. My favs are definitely Rumor Has It, Someone Like You, Set Fire To The Rain, I Found A Boy, and of course, Rolling In The Deep.

I hate that I am writing this, but I love Taylor Momsen’s band. Gosh, I dislike her for so many reasons, but her voice and her songs are strangely good and catchy and I have to admit, their recent album “Light Me Up” is definitely one of the cds in my car at the moment. Unbelievable.

Haley Reinhart on Idol. She’d better win because she’s unique and the best contestant they’ve had in a LONG time, even if the judges continue to criticize her more than the others. Check out her best performances: Bennie and The Jets or House Of The Rising Sun. She will do great things post Idol.

This blog that my awesome friends are running. It’s doing really well and I am proud of them. It also always inspires me. Love it and them. So go check it out.

If you like to watch people fall down...

This is what my dog does when I leave home.

My heart aches haha. She is getting so old.

Meet my future roommates!

These are the lovely women I will be living with come August. I am so stoked God worked this out. I may not have a real job yet, but this was a huge stress factor in my life as I had to make a decision by May about where I was going to live. One of my greatest friends from school, Chelsea, will be moving in to take my roommates spot here in Long Beach for June and July. Then, we will all be getting a place in August (probably back near Biola area, but we'll see). We are all so excited because this is a place of semi permanence, at least until we all have real jobs. I hate moving in to temporary places, so to not have an ending date on this plan yet is very comforting. Anyways, here they are:

This is Chels. She is the best. I met her my sophomore year at Biola through our other 2 greatest friends, Jess and Abby, who live in Minnesota now. We have related to a lot of things together through our time at Biola and she was a great friend, listener, and confidant. She also didn't move after graduation and is one of the few friends I have left in the area that is not married, so we got to hang out a lot more because of that. She is super funny (one of my favorite twitter friends) and I am super stoked to share the summer with her before getting a place in August. I just know we will have a blast.

THIS is Blakeslee, one of my only friends from my major at Biola. We shared a mutual love for disliking everyone else in our major (elementary ed...so just a lot of uptight girls that will drive you nuts...we were more laid back/apathetic haha). We also started realizing that we were in every. single. class together SOMEHOW, and were always next to each other on the roll sheet. So we started working together on group projects whenever possible, taking our state tests together, and our friendship began. We started hanging out outside of school and she is one of the most loving, genuine people I know. We got through our degrees together, got through student teaching together, and have met for coffee NUMEROUS times since finishing our credentials. God blessed me with this friendship because we are both in the same position....trying to get by without real jobs. When you have someone to go through it with, it's 100x better. She will be a joy to live with and she will also be my roommate when we get a place!

This is Lindsey! I definitely had to get this photo from her facebook, so I hope she doesn't think I'm weird now! I do not know her that well yet, but she is SUPER sweet and fun. She lives with Chelsea now and will be Chelsea's roommate. I have had a few very pleasant conversations with her at their house AND she is a fellow teacher, who will be student teaching in the fall. There will be 3 of us education majors living together and I think that's great. I am sooo excited to get to know this girl and have a feeling we will all be great friends :)

This seriously came together all of the sudden, both Blakeslee and I were flipping out about housing, with about 2 weeks left to make a decision. We met for coffee and it all fell into place. THEN, Chels and Linds ran into Blakeslee the NEXT DAY (those 3 didn't really know each other) and hit it off and talked for so long! Is that not God's confirmation or what?

I am just super stoked for what's to come, especially since I don't have to move this month. The last thing I wanted to do was move without knowing where I would be working. I want to make a wise decision for my commute, but first I need the job. It's so great to know I can be comforted in this, even if I still don't have a job.