Twitter Crap.

For my recent post, click here, because I am too lazy to post every picture and commentary over again.

What’s on your playlist?

I have been on this health kick lately. I went shopping recently and had a bad experience trying clothes on at Forever 21…It was hard to fit into some stuff and I was angry. I figure I have absolutely no life so I might as well try to better myself. I just wanna see what happens and maybe ‘get fit’ in the process. I have noticed that my headaches do not appear when I exercise, which the doctors always told me, but I refused to believe it haha. I am also changing my diet because I have some food allergies and want to put good things into my body. It has been so, so, so, so, so, so hard. I love food, especially fatty food. And I am always hungry. Always. BUT I have found some awesome recipes that are awesome and found that, with a little effort, it is not all that bad. My favorite recipe so far is apple braised chicken. It’s super moist and the baked apples are great flavor.

The key to motivating myself to work out is changing up my workouts, rewards (like jogging to Coffee Bean for an iced coffee), and AN AWESOME UPBEAT PLAYLIST. On my workout playlist right now is:

Britney Spears - “Toy Soldier”, “Hot As Ice”, and “Circus”

-Cobra Starship with Leighton Meester (aka my favorite Gossip Girl character, Blair Waldorf) -“Good Girls Go Bad”

-DJ Khaled - “All I Do is Win”

-Edward Maya - “Stereo Love”

-Glee - “Dog Days Are Over” (I like to run to their version more than Florence’s…go figure).

-Jay Sean and Nicki Minaj - 2012

-Ke$ha - “Blow” (she sucks but I need those beats)

-Ludacris with Sum41 - “Get Back” (my. favorite. rap. song)

-Nicki Minaj - “Super Bass”

-The Pretty Reckless - “Make Me Wanna Die”

-Eminem and Rihanna - “Love The Way You Lie” (something about the raw emotion and anger motivates me haha, I always skip it on the radio though)

-Usher - “More”

-Timbaland and Katy Perry - “If We Ever Meet Again”

-Lady Gaga - “Monster”

What’s on your playlist?

I am usually a happy girl

But it’s been really hard lately. I have been dreading writing this post. I didn’t get the job that I thought was pretty much set in stone. It hit me out of nowhere. All the people that supervised my teaching said great things about my performance…except one guy. And that was it. It was over. My uncle felt that God wanted a unanimous decision to hire me and he did not have one.

Of course I know that God has something better for me and that this all happened for a reason. But I still can’t wrap my head around why I spent 2 months preparing for a job that I thought I had. I wasted so much time, all while my finances continued to drain. What did God have me learn through that? That I should try my best, get excited about something, and then get blind sided? Talking through it with family just killed me even more. It took me all day to tell my mom because I knew I would only be able to utter one sentence before I broke down. It hurts so badly when you disappoint yourself, but when you disappoint others too because everyone thinks you could’ve done something better.

And now this whole other aspect has been developing this week. The fact that I literally felt that this is what God had for me. How could I have felt so sure? It made me doubt not only my abilities, but my relationship with God. Do I even hear Him? I thought I had spent time with Him and all the signs pointed to this job. It’s like I don’t even know anymore.

And on top of all of this, I have become so lonely here. My roommate is gone all day at school and work and I just sit around job hunting. All my friends are scattered. La Mirada, Visalia, Minnesota, Oregon, Paramount, and beyond. And I have to pay money to see them (either driving or flying) and it’s starting to stress me out.

I called my mom again today and she went into this rant about how I don’t dress appropriately and how that might’ve been a factor in me not getting the job. Really? I haven’t lived with you for 5 years and you are going to tell me I dress like a slut? I worked in an office for THREE YEARS, and then student taught. I know how to adhere to a professional expectation. And why would you even give me another thing to doubt myself on?

AND THEN FREAKING FACEBOOK APPARENTLY DECIDES TO SHUT DOWN MESSAGING SO I CAN’T EVEN MESSAGE MY FRIENDS. We’ve had this thread going since graduation and I refuse to start a new one because all of our thoughts, struggles, emotions, and laughs have been in that thread. SO THANKS FOR THAT FACEBOOK.

The best news is that I get to return to my friends at my old church, which is one of the initial reasons I did not want to pursue this job. I was upset about leaving so was very happy to return, despite the reasons why.

I think I am just scared of getting stuck working somewhere like Wal Mart for years. And I am scared that I just don’t have what it takes after this whole experience.

Ok, this is the only emo post I will be writing about this. Prayers always appreciated.

Over a year of waiting.

and I got my tweet back from Kelly. Others got dozens, but I was always unlucky. I finally picked the right question and asked her “which Friends character is your favorite and which one do you resemble the most?” and I got this:

So that is 2 OF MY FAVORITE THINGS COMBINED. Friends and Kelly. AND 2 TWEETS FROM EDEN ESPINOSA ON MONDAY. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!

Guess that means my luck is changing and I’ll finally win a meet and greet after 8 YEARS.

For those of you thinking “oh a tweet from Kelly on the internet, stupid, she doesn’t even know who you are” stop raining on my parade. This is some hardcore dedication paying off! Haha.

I needed this. As materialistic as it is, I needed this.

I'm lazy.

I would copy and paste my Tumblr posts, but I am lazy today. So just check it:

http://de-bored-ah.tumblr.com/

I retaught my lesson at church Sunday and am awaiting feedback to see. I had a dream that they did not want to hire me so hopefully the dream is wrong.

Inquiring minds want to know...

For those of you who might be wondering, “what the heck is Deb doing with her life these days? Doesn’t she have a job yet? I thought she had a job, why is she doing nothing? How many cake balls has she made in the past week? (like 150) How long can she stay in her pajamas? (2 days).”

Hopefully this post can answer all those questions and more.

LONG story short, basically I am in the process of taking a position at a church in Torrance as the children’s ministries director. It is a long process. I have been thinking/praying about this opportunity for months now, and my main concern was going into this position for the wrong reasons. I wanted to feel God’s calling and I wanted to have a passion for it. I also wanted to make sure I was NOT taking this job just because ‘it was something to do until I can find a teaching job in a few years.’ The position had been open since August and I kept telling myself that if the position were still open when I was available that I would then consider it. Well, it was still open, so I had no more excuses to make, and hadn’t heard from God any reasons NOT to pursue this. I also was enlightened after realizing that maybe God wants me to use my gifts for His church. So I met with them and started the process. Interviewed, met the staff, met the people of the church, observed children’s programming, and taught my first Sunday School lesson. Everything was going as good as it could have and I was beyond excited. God had confirmed that this was a position I cold thrive in, it was something I was passionate about (kids and Jesus…duh), and it was His way of providing for me in these dire times. It combined the best of both worlds for me: the teaching and the administrative (after working at an insurance office for years, I wanted to put some of those skills to use as well). I was also struggling a lot with the routine aspect of the classroom teacher, and being confined to a classroom. I am a person that needs variety and was really not looking forward to starting a career in a classroom when I had just spent the past 17 years in a classroom. So this was an answer to so many issues of doubt and uncertainty to me. They also wanted to hire someone with teaching training, as past approaches of hiring various people in the past had failed, and they wanted someone who knew how to get the content across, that was trained biblically and theologically and well (thanks for that minor in biblical studies Biola!).

So, as great as it was going, I got the critique on my first lesson back last week and it was…not the best. I had taught 26 kids (biggest group they had ever had of course), ages 6-12 (and one 15 year old who just refuses to leave). Besides that, there were about 7 adults up there, either helping me or critiquing me. I would’ve flipped if I hadn’t been so used to supervision from student teaching. But I had never taught in front of 7 adults before. Anyways, I thought it went great for my first time, for not knowing the kids yet, and for only observing ONE lesson prior. Most of the adults said I was great…however, one review had a LIST of things for me to work on. Things that contradicted the feedback I had received from the others. Comments were made that not only confused me, but frustrated me (i.e. “she engaged the kids!” and “she could’ve done better engaging the kids.” and “she seemed nervous.” and “she seemed so at ease!”). I talked out all of these issues with the pastor so that we were on the same page, and we decided I would do a redo lesson in a few weeks. He left me with the words ‘don’t be discouraged.’ but I totally was. My balloon full of air on this journey had deflated and I was left wondering how I could’ve been so confident and how will I be able to improve? I know that God is humbling me and that I need to be spending more time with Him, especially on all of these issues now. And, I do have a peace about if it doesn’t work out, that this was not what He has for me right now (even though I will be very confused if that is the case). I simply have to gather all my resources and try again.

So this is why I have been useless this past week. I have nothing to do really. Which I am not complaining about. I am catching up on things I have wanted to do for years, and I am meditating and spending time with God. What more could I ask for? I just hope and pray that this is STILL what He has for me, and that I have not been wasting so much time when I need a job so badly. I am confident that this is all a part of His plan for me right now, and all prayers are greatly appreciated.