Sick of being sick.

I want to know what it’s like to feel 100% every single day. To wake up and not have to worry about every little thing I do or eat, to not have to live such a strict schedule because anything will trigger a headache that will turn into a migraine. I want eyes that don’t water constantly so people stop asking if I am crying. I would love to wear eye make up sometime. I want to be able to sleep on whichever side I want to at night, without catering to the side that’s stuffed up and I can’t breath through. I want to be able to fight off common colds without them turning into sinus infections, bronchitis, and pneumonia (within 1 year I have had colds turn into all 3 of those more than once). I am sick of relying on medications my whole life and spending hundreds on my doctor’s visits. I am very thankful to have insurance, but it still is money gone that I don’t get to enjoy on other things. I just feel so helpless all the time and I know when I get sick that I will end up at the doctor every single time. The one time I was stubbon and decided to try to fight it all on my own is when I got pneumonia. I am just physically incapable of overcoming this.

I just feel like I am at 60% all the time and I can’t even imagine how much more I could enjoy my wonderful life if I could live it without headaches and with an immune system. I mean…it’s like a foreign concept to me. I can’t even grasp it.

Summer can not come fast enough. I am terrified to have a second sinus surgery but I know that is the cause of every single one of my problems. I think I am a lot sicker than I feel. I think there is something greater going on. I’ve had these problems my whole life, but it’s time to get the surgery because I can’t live like this anymore. I am beyond frustrated that while on a 2 week antibiotic for a sinus infection and a week long headache, I caught another cold that now feels like sinus infection #2. How does that even happen? Back to back sinus infections? I think my body has just given up.