It feels good to know I'm going to heaven.

I can’t imagine wrestling with not knowing, or not being sure. Today at the park, while babysitting, 2 old men approached me and asked if I knew where my son would go if he died today (what a surprise, it’s only the 12th time someone’s thought the kid is mine…I kind of hate that I am old enough for people to say that…I just feel like a kid still).

I responded with “well…he’s not my kid…but I know I would go to heaven.”

The man asked me “and how will that happen?”

I said “when God comes back for His people…those that live for Him.”

Finally, he asked “well where is God’s spirit right now?”

“here on earth with us”

(at this point, the man realized I had my ish together…).

He then explained that it is a privilege for 2 old men to witness, because the end times are starting (eh…I believe that…but I also believe it could take another thousand years and I also know no one here on earth can know or say that). He asked me if the boy’s parents were believers (pretty sure they aren’t, since they're pretty hippie status…), I said I wasn’t sure, and he gave me a couple of their pamphlets to leave the parents. He really convicted me right then and there. It is one of my daily prayers that I will be a living example of Christ’s love, so that others may see it, but I never really go out of my way to proclaim anything like these 2 men were doing. Do people really see Christ in me, or am I only comfortable around fellow believers? Sometimes I am even weary of saying I went to bible college…but I shouldn’t be…it’s just natural to feel that fear in different situations, because of the uncertainty of what may come of the situation.

Later, I watched the 2 men approach a dad (who looked intimidating…I AM in Long Beach after all…there are scary people everywhere…I meet someone interesting EVERY TIME I GO TO THE PARK). He didn’t seem to be a believer, but he kept telling the man “there are only 2 ways to go right? up or down! up or down, man, up or down, that’s what I know, and I hope I am going up!” He couldn’t be more accurate. Except I don’t have to hope. I know. And that’s what kills me…how can people go through life being unsure? What do they feel is the purpose of their life? How do they make decisions and seek guidance/direction in times of need? How do they sort through hardships? It must be so empty.