Friendships

After venting to my mom about everything going on (don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for so many opportunities right now and am amazed I’ve stayed positive for so long now…I know a lot of people that would have had breakdowns the 2nd week of what I like to call “real life”…aka living on your own, looking for a full time job, and dealing with the rest of life without giving up) I am entitled to have a little rant.

You know when you are REALLY sad about something and you literally feel that knot in your stomach like you are nauseatingly empty? And it physically hurts? I have felt that a number of times when things get to me, and right now what’s getting to me is friendships. Some friendships I thought would never fall apart, are falling apart. And it hurts. People stop making efforts and everything changes. If you don’t make time for friends, then you don’t get to have friendships. It takes two or more equal parties WORKING (yes, working) to make something happen. It’s like a plant…a plant will die if it stops being watered. And I guess this plant is pretty dead.

But it hurts.

Sometimes it’s just so hard to be at where I’m at in life, especially since I only leave the house three days a week on average. It’s not that healthy to be at home all day and not even talk to another person. It’s lonely. And it’s extremely discouraging and depressing to have applied to over 40 jobs and hear next to nothing. So to have friends losing interest in me is just a way to kick me while I’m down. But I’m not giving up because I know moving home will be more miserable.