Hopefully this post can answer all those questions and more.
LONG story short, basically I am in the process of taking a position at a church in Torrance as the children’s ministries director. It is a long process. I have been thinking/praying about this opportunity for months now, and my main concern was going into this position for the wrong reasons. I wanted to feel God’s calling and I wanted to have a passion for it. I also wanted to make sure I was NOT taking this job just because ‘it was something to do until I can find a teaching job in a few years.’ The position had been open since August and I kept telling myself that if the position were still open when I was available that I would then consider it. Well, it was still open, so I had no more excuses to make, and hadn’t heard from God any reasons NOT to pursue this. I also was enlightened after realizing that maybe God wants me to use my gifts for His church. So I met with them and started the process. Interviewed, met the staff, met the people of the church, observed children’s programming, and taught my first Sunday School lesson. Everything was going as good as it could have and I was beyond excited. God had confirmed that this was a position I cold thrive in, it was something I was passionate about (kids and Jesus…duh), and it was His way of providing for me in these dire times. It combined the best of both worlds for me: the teaching and the administrative (after working at an insurance office for years, I wanted to put some of those skills to use as well). I was also struggling a lot with the routine aspect of the classroom teacher, and being confined to a classroom. I am a person that needs variety and was really not looking forward to starting a career in a classroom when I had just spent the past 17 years in a classroom. So this was an answer to so many issues of doubt and uncertainty to me. They also wanted to hire someone with teaching training, as past approaches of hiring various people in the past had failed, and they wanted someone who knew how to get the content across, that was trained biblically and theologically and well (thanks for that minor in biblical studies Biola!).
So, as great as it was going, I got the critique on my first lesson back last week and it was…not the best. I had taught 26 kids (biggest group they had ever had of course), ages 6-12 (and one 15 year old who just refuses to leave). Besides that, there were about 7 adults up there, either helping me or critiquing me. I would’ve flipped if I hadn’t been so used to supervision from student teaching. But I had never taught in front of 7 adults before. Anyways, I thought it went great for my first time, for not knowing the kids yet, and for only observing ONE lesson prior. Most of the adults said I was great…however, one review had a LIST of things for me to work on. Things that contradicted the feedback I had received from the others. Comments were made that not only confused me, but frustrated me (i.e. “she engaged the kids!” and “she could’ve done better engaging the kids.” and “she seemed nervous.” and “she seemed so at ease!”). I talked out all of these issues with the pastor so that we were on the same page, and we decided I would do a redo lesson in a few weeks. He left me with the words ‘don’t be discouraged.’ but I totally was. My balloon full of air on this journey had deflated and I was left wondering how I could’ve been so confident and how will I be able to improve? I know that God is humbling me and that I need to be spending more time with Him, especially on all of these issues now. And, I do have a peace about if it doesn’t work out, that this was not what He has for me right now (even though I will be very confused if that is the case). I simply have to gather all my resources and try again.
So this is why I have been useless this past week. I have nothing to do really. Which I am not complaining about. I am catching up on things I have wanted to do for years, and I am meditating and spending time with God. What more could I ask for? I just hope and pray that this is STILL what He has for me, and that I have not been wasting so much time when I need a job so badly. I am confident that this is all a part of His plan for me right now, and all prayers are greatly appreciated.
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