...to speak to you. I recently went to youth convention in San Diego, with my current church. They really needed leaders and the only thing I was going to miss was Black Friday shopping, which let's be honest, student teaching doesn't provide any income so that would have been a waste of time.
I knew that I needed to hear God's voice that weekend, because I hadn't been on a retreat like that since like... HIGH SCHOOL. Wow. Phil Wickham was leading worship the entire weekend and I am a huge fan, so I knew this would be amazing. I didn't know how amazing though. I was so sick of going through life, not feeling like I was on fire for God. I went from church to church, missing my church back in Visalia, but knowing that it wasn't the same because what I was missing was being in a youth group, and I am an adult now (whether I choose to believe that or not). This weekend reminded me of how great Jesus' love is for us. I love feeling His presence in the room, and having speakers that are so grounded in the word that they can pick out verses that are so personally applicable to your life that you feel like he is directing the message at you.
Even though it was awesome, I now face the aftermath. The message focused on 'Being the Change' and affecting those in your everyday life so that you are making a difference for Jesus, not matter how small of a difference you are capable of. The decisions you make can affect others so dynamically, we can't even comprehend the affect we can have on people.
I always hate how everyone goes on church retreat, comes back on fire, and a month later life is the same. IT NEVER FAILS. However, this CHANGE is within our power. We have to fix our mentality as human beings to overpower the urge to return to our wordly, 'normal' lifestyle. Do we not realize that this is where we experience all of our pain and suffering? When we are not living for God? I realize it even when I am caught up in the world, yet it is still so hard to get in the right mindset.
Lately, I have been thinking about all my mistakes and how much my testimony has changed since senior year of high school. I am the kind of person that holds emotions inside, and most the time I can't even FEEL anything. It hurts more to lack emotions than to deal with them, in case you were wondering. So now, 3 years later, I am dealing with the effects of my decisions and how much I regret them. But this weekend showed me to focus on what I can do in the future, not what I have already done. I know the enemy wants me to focus on those things so that I feel weak and worthless, but I know He has enabled me for greater things.
That was what God did for me and I am going to do my best not to fall back into my normal, boring life. I was in charge of 3 amazing 6th grade girls that weekend who really blessed me. One would worship with her arms raised and would encourage the other two to join her. Their innocence is refreshing, as they are right before that age where temptation starts to control your life. The Wednesday after convention, one of them got up to share what God had done in her life that weekend, and I was just crying like a proud mom hahaha. It's great to feel this way again and it's even greater to see that others are feeling the same way.
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