Hardest Thing I've Ever Done.

I knew this point would come.

I sit in my room with the door closed, listening to my new housemates laugh and talk out in the kitchen and I feel like I've hit rock bottom. When they were all making friends with each other, it was still too soon for me to make new friends while I was getting over all my best friends leaving. Now, I am the "older, quiet, housemate". Laughter is supposed to be an infectious sound, but it saddens me to hear that because it can never replace the laughter I used to have in this house.

Almost everyone I care about in the world has moved on to bigger and better things, and the majority of them, far away from here. I have no idea what is to look forward to. What will be my motivation? How am I supposed to look forward to student teaching when I am already sick of going to work everyday, coming home, eating, and going to my room.

A walk around Biola today only solidified the fact that this chapter in my life is now closed. I am not getting married, I don't have a significant other, the job market is awful, and my friends are far away from here.

I know God will bring new friends and plans into my life just like He has in the past, but this is almost unbearable. I will have to pray for motivation to continue on, but it's hard with no friends nearby to have heart to hearts with, to hang out with, to just fellowship with. It's not the same when they are miles and miles away, busy with their own thing, and only have the time to check in every once in awhile with a text or maybe a facebook message. It's not the same when they say "give me a call anytime, I'm here for you" because you don't want to be that person that has to call. You want someone that is already around.

If you are supposed to have 7 physical touches a day to be emotionally healthy, I am severely emotionally deprived and I don't know what to do about it.