1 week

until Kelly. That is all that is getting me through these days...

My mom and I are having our differences as usual and I am just feeling like everything I say to her she turns back on me. It sucks. I told her I was really lonely and felt that the people I thought were my close friends were not that close anymore and she just said that I make people feel sorry for myself by blowing things out of proportion. So that helped.

I also determined today, after a week of watching my diet, that I am most likely lactose intolerant. I can't even talk about it I am so upset. Cheese is literally, my favorite food. That is like taking away Kelly Clarkson from me too.

I have been thinking a lot in all the alone time I have had lately because of my lack of social life, and I can't believe how much I have changed. From high school, from last year...it blows my mind. I don't know if I am the person I want to be. I think I have given into a lot. I used to be one of the 4.0 kids in high school and now I do as little as I can to get by in a class. I used to play violin because it was something I was so good at and now what am I doing? I don't even play anymore when that was supposed to be my career. It was the only thing I was ever good at, I was mediocre at the rest. I guess it's never too late to get back into music but I have lost a good year and in violin, that is not good.

I also have been thinking about careers. I graduate in less than a year (unreal to me) and I don't really want to teach with a multiple subject credential. I don't see myself excelling teaching younger children multiple things in one classroom. I have always seen myself with the older kids, in high school, probably math. But I could never major in a single subject like that cause I don't excel enough in a single subject. So that leaves me with getting a masters in education and taking the CSET in a single subject matter or something. But with the economy, I don't see myself teaching at all anytime soon. They have fired so many teachers, but luckily would rather hire new ones right out of college because they can pay them less. So that's good, but still I am not so sure. Working in an office for 2 years now, I can really see myself working in administration at a school or something along those lines. Who knows, hopefully I can do that.

What I really want to do is edit and make youtube videos all day long, but let's be realistic here.