2009

You know what I really needed recently? friends. not a lot, just a few. I only have a few so I just needed a few more so I wasn't so lonely. Some friends that would do things with me, and hang out with me, ya know. I have 2 really good friends at home, one in Oregon, a couple at Long Beach state, and a few at Biola. So pretty much all I had most the time was the few at Biola, whom I love dearly, don't get me wrong, they are some of theee best. But it was so hard as they were making lots and lots of friends and I was just....not. one of the Biola friends is studying abroad in Costa Rica this semester. amazing for her. she's great. but I was dreading this for awhile as I knew it would dramatically affect my social life and eating meals in the Caf (as lame as that sounds). I was really getting sick of this friend situation, especially when I go to church and everyone would say 'bring your friends!' and I'm like 'uh k, you know I don't know people and if I did they wouldn't come'. I don't know why I'm bad at making friends. I didn't have that many in high school. I did softball, golf, track, and orchestra. I was fairly well liked though I think, cause I knew everybody and I would talk to them and it was cool, but that doesn't mean we hung out. I had more church friends than school friends, but I had to wait until senior year for those church friends, because I had to break away from my clique I was in to really step into being friends with my youth group. Anyways, what I'm saying is I've never had A LOT of friends. I am perfectly nice to people, talk to them in class, and smile as we pass by. But that doesn't mean we go hang out afterwards. My only chance was when my friends would make friends and introduce them to me. But then I would come off as a weirdo because I was already with my friends and acting like myself and they probably saw it as rude. Who knows. It's pretty obvious I must not make a good first impression. Or I'm very scary or intimidating (or as one guy told me, ATTIMIDATING, HAHAHAHA). So that's why I am just ecstatic right now that as I have been here for my winter class (January 5th-22nd), working every day and then classwork, I was able to hang out with a few people. Last interterm, there was no one around. I would just go to school, go to work, come home, eat a tv dinner, do my homework, watch tv, and go to bed. every day. on the weekends I would sleep or watch more tv. I remember sleeping until 5pm one day just because I remember thinking 'why get up'. Anyways, I have really wanted to hang out with these new people and can't believe that God gave me that. I never thought I would be able to. I mean imagine, ME, actually being friends with someone she wants to. Anyways, it's been a blessing and I can't remember laughing as much as I have lately. Today I cried for almost 5 minutes straight when we were hanging out. I need that in my life. Badly. And there isn't a better time than right now. God is so good. I can only HOPE I get to keep hanging out once in awhile when the regular semester begins next week.