A lot of change

has happened since my last blog. Which is why I have strayed from posting for a month and a half. Also, the Kelly/Carrie post is not done yet because I am back in school and never have time for it. So be patient, even though most of you could care less haha.

Pretty much the biggest change is that Maddie isn't back at school with me and is never coming back either. But this isn't bad or sad because it is going to be so much better for her in life. It just sucks because a few posts down, you can see how excited I was. But it just reminds you that God is in charge and will surprise you like that. Nothing is certain.

So I am working at getting more involved so I can make more friends. This is not easy because I work more than anyone I know. 20 hours a week with 16 units. I feel like I am never in the dorm. I am however, finally trying out for the dance troupe here that I have been wanting to be a part of for like a year. But let's not get too excited because there are hundreds of people and only 40 spots. And as I look around during rehearsal, everyone is pretty much dancing the same. So unless there is something special about me, which there usually isn't, I am not getting too excited here haha.

I am also dealing with having 8:00am class five days a week. Why would you do this to yourself, you may ask. Let me tell you. It was either that or cut my work hours in half almost. Because if I don't go to class that early, I don't get to work in the afternoons. And because I support myself and a car, I have to be making a certain amount of money. I am not like all the other Biola students who don't have to get jobs because mommy and daddy pay their tuition and give them spending money every month.

Back to the making friends thing though, I am not sure how one accomplishes this. Maybe I am just not very good at it. But last year I would talk to the girls on my floor but we would just have nice brief conversations. I don't know how to get to that point where it's like 'hey come with us to dinner' or whatever. I am really hoping this year is different but I am already pretty sure it's the same because I am just not here enough. They all have their friends already.

I've pretty much given up on the males because of the same reason. I don't even know one at Biola and I've been here 3 years. I went on one gyrad and my date hardly talked to me. Also, going to gyrad means my roommate and I have to find me a date and if we don't know any boys, then it makes our job pretty difficult.

Anyways, my trip to Oregon was great, many good times with Maddie. I had strep the whole first week I was there though. Sometimes I wonder why those things always happen to me. This is how my summer went:

June-youth group retreat in Palm Springs-STOMACH FLU.
July-Hume Lake Jr. High camp-the worst head cold I have ever had.
August-Oregon-STREP.

Seriously. It makes me think that there is something seriously wrong with me. Well if you know my medical history, then I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me, we just can't find it ha. We didn't get to do so much in Oregon because of my lameness. So now I'm back at Biola and went to the health center because of a small sore on my throat, and guess what I have...STREP. AGAIN. Even though I feel fine. So I have been ordered to not go to class or work. Fine with me.

So I am just trying to keep my head above water, with my 20 hour work week, 16 unit load, lack of friends, strep throat, and financial issues with Biola (I'll be lucky if I get out of here with only $80,000 in loans). Oh did I mention I have to APPLY to the school of education and I need 3 references in less than a month. So that was dumped on me yesterday. Also I declared my concentration in Math so I am in Calculus again and already feel like the biggest idiot ever. It's the most frustrating feeling in the world to not be able to do something that is so concrete. So since this is the first class in my Math concentration, I don't know how I am going to do fine in it and then proceed to the HIGHER classes. But I'm not good at anything else. Which is why I am a teaching major, but let's not talk about that right now.

Anyways, my mom really really really wants me to move home. Bridgette is at Point Loma now so I think it's weird for her to be alone. But she says she is just really worried about my health, and now that Maddie isn't here she's even more worried for my emotional state. She is always persuading me because I could transfer home and finish my degree for only $17000 which is a third of the cost it would take me to finish here. I don't understand why she wants me to move home. I think it's because her health is falling apart and she doesn't have anyone there. But she doesn't realize that all those years of her telling me what a burden I was have taken a toll. The last thing I want to do is move home. I hate that house, even though that's where I grew up. I have built myself so much here, it kills me to leave behind my job, BIOLA (I do love it most the time), my awesome youth group friends, and my Biola friends. Although I would have my Visalia friends back, I don't think it would be enough. I think it would be a step backwards.