Failure.

I didn't pass either of my TPAs. I feel like this is the only place I can say it since I am embarrassed to put it on Facebook, or to keep annoying people on Twitter with it.

Now I know what it feels like to feel like an idiot. I think I am the only one in the program who failed both.

This makes me not want to teach. at all.

I have no emotions left about this matter.

Someone please tell me

how the Grammy nominees for best pop VOCAL PERFORMANCE include You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift), Hot N Cold (Katy Perry) and HALO by Beyonce?!

My point being, how could you nominate crap songs (vocally) like the first two. Then how could you nominate HALO and NOT Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson? They are the same back track and vocally, Kelly delivers more than any of those nominees!

Second, it sickens me that Halo is also nominated for Record of the Year. It's upsetting because Kelly suffers and is punished for all this, and she had the song first, and Beyonce rushed to release hers first. Beyonce, you have Single Ladies. Were you worried you wouldn't have enough hits? People in this industry work their butt off to put out quality music which they WRITE (cough, Kelly and not Beyonce, cough) and then this happens. The music industry is not about music at all anymore. It's about image, appeal, sexuality, and bubble gum hooks in songs.

It's sad that even the Grammy's are based on popularity and airplay now.

The good and fantastic news is the nominees for Pop Vocal Album are:

The Black Eyed Peas, The E.N.D.
Colbie Caillat, Breakthrough
Kelly Clarkson, All I Ever Wanted
The Fray, The Fray
Pink, Funhouse

sorry, but Pink is Kelly's only legitimate competition. If you have heard her whole record, you understand why. Kelly kills it on every song and the songs are all so different. Pink's album is great too. Sorry Colbie, Fergie (let's face it, she's the only reason the BEP are in this category), and The Fray. I think my girl Kelly might just be walking away with her 3rd Grammy.

Here I am...

I always write when I find something really cool, do something really cool, or am avoiding something not so cool. Definitely avoiding a lot of homework right now.

Good news is both TPA's are done. Went to Vegas successfully to see Kelly Clarkson and didn't break contract of course. IT WAS AWESOME. Don't ask me how many times this year alone even I have seen her. It's embarrassing. But that's my hobby ok? We did a bunch of free stuff in Vegas, it was so fun. I woke up the day after though with cigarette smell in my hair and a techno beat in my head and didn't even DO anything haha.

My sister turned 20 (geeze) and came to visit this weekend. We went to Disneyland. One of the best times at Disneyland I've had in awhile just because we did a lot of fun stuff and had fun people. I love Christmas at Disneyland with the fireworks and fake snow... so romantic hahahaha. Her car broke down though which caused stress and my mom had to drive down and take care of it. But oh well.

All I wanna do all day is watch ALL the tv shows I've been missing, download tons of music, organize my media on my computer and work on new video projects for fun. And that is what I plan to do Christmas break.

I had to buy a small heater because my room is kinda like a laundry room (door to the outside, tile floor, random sink) and is FREEZING. I will literally pass away this winter I think. So nice knowing you all. I hate the cold. Love the fashion, hate the cold. Hate it.

Here are my thoughts about Taylor Swift right now: too much too soon too young. She's only 19 and has won almost all the awards possible (especially the huge Entertainer of the Year). What's left? You've been around a couple years and done it all? That kinda sucks. Nothing to look forward to. Also she should not have won female vocalist at the CMAS. Entertainer, yes. But vocalist over Faith, Reba, Martina, and Carrie? Noooo way. Sorry hon, you can't even vibrato....now if it were a writer's award, then you should win no doubt.

Here are my thoughts on Rihanna right now. Way to go for speaking up about the violence. Way NOT to go for having new crap songs that are getting so much airplay it's ridiculous. A song about "pulling the trigger"...honestly...what a message. Crap music. But seriously, way to go for finally coming out and speaking about Chris Brown. What he did was unacceptable for the example he sets and he is lucky if he continues to have a career.

Speaking of airplay, I hate the radio down here. They play the SAME songs over and over and over. They won't play Kelly's new ballad Already Gone, but they will play Beyonce's Halo like it just came out (they have the same back tracking in the song so my point is that if they play one they should play the other). Honestly, I really keep getting disgusted lately that because of the media's perception of Kelly's image, they want nothing to do with her. Also, Kelly was nominated for artist of the decade, along with some others, for Rolling Stone's Artist of the Decade. Huge honor. And fitting too since she started the whole American Idol thing and entered the scene the beginning of this decade. So some guy writes on my facebook that it's DISGUSTING that she was nominated. Why? Why? because she isn't "hot" to you? She is an artist just like every other nominee. The shallowness of men shows when they make comments like that. He then said the only one worthy of their nominations were Beyonce, U2 and Coldplay. Well great, that's your opinion, but who are you to say it's DISGUSTING that a singer was nominated. I don't see why she's not worthy. I never got his reason why, but I bet it's because he knows nothing about her (probably only thinks of her radio hits and pop image back in the day) and thinks she's just another Idol winner that hasn't made her own way. People need to research. I don't write this post because it's about Kelly. I write this because it is an example of people making judgments when they have no prior knowledge. Especially such harsh judgments as the word 'disgusting'. You better be able to back up that opinion because I am sick of it and society's unreasonable demands. So many times I feel like I can't keep up with what I should look like. "need to work out, shouldn't eat that, get up earlier and put on make up". And then I realize, I am fine with how I look. This is how God made me. I shouldn't have to work extra extra hard to try to be a size 4. So when people say things such as 'disgusting' about a woman who is completely normal and has to deal with that in the public eye, then I am going to feel that I am just as disgusting since most of the time I am too lazy to try at all. So keep that in mind if that boy happens to stumble upon my blog (doubt it) hahaha.

That made me feel a LITTLE better.

Life

so busy. moving so fast. my days usually go like this:

chapels, class, meals, work, homework, sleep, maybe work out but usually not.

I have 2 TPAs due in a week and a half. Most of you do not know what that is. As an education major, I have to complete a thing called a 'teacher performance assessment' and they are really long assessments pretty much, with tons of questions on how to get content across in the classroom when different factors are brought into consideration. I have started on one, but it is still very stressful to know that 2 are due, along with my regular school work. I have to be more disciplined but it's hard when "I can't focus until my Itunes is organized correctly" or "Well, I can't do my homework until I do my laundry". So dumb.

This past weekend my family was visiting, checking out Point Loma for my sister. So I had dinner with them and stayed with the in the hotel. My mom and I are going to see Kelly Clarkson 3rd row in Fresno, December 1st, so we talked about that a lot. I actually have a lot coming up:

Next weekend is Halloween. Not doing ANYTHING (kinda disappointed because I always wanted to do SOMETHING for Halloween while I was in college). Oh well, my friends are coming over to watch a few scary movies that night. I also will be finishing one of those dreaded TPA's that weekend.

Weekend after that I am going to VEGAS to see Kelly at the Hard Rock Cafe with 2 of my closest friends.

Weekend after that is my sisters birthday and she wants to come down to Disneyland so she can get her pass for cheaper on her birthday. She also wants to go to a TV Taping but I said only one thing. Also we get to meet up with my old church friends there too so I am super excited since I haven't seen them since I changed churches.

Then it's Thanksgiving. I will be spending it with my mom, sister, and my cousins in the Riverside area who have 2 young kids. So should be fun, never had Thanksgiving with them before. I always have it with my dad's side. For Christmas though, my dad is coming (first time I've seen him in over a year and a half) so we will be with his side which is always fun. Then the 30th, my mom, sister, and i fly out to Oklahoma to do things with my mom's side. I am sad I am missing New Years though since I always spend it in Visalia with the Rodriguez's, since laura's birthday is on the 31st. Our tradition of building a fort and living in it for 3 days NEVER gets old.

Finally after all that, I return to California on January 6th, and it's back to work I go. Then I will be starting my last semester of school. For now at least.

Biola had it's annual Torrey Conference this past week. No classes because we have to go to sessions instead. It started off bad (usually does) and by the night sessions, I was so into it. Great speakers that set my heart on fire for God. I love looking around and thinking "this is my school...I love Biola." Francis Chan closed the conference Friday morning and man, is he amazing. Go listen to his stuff on youtube. He tells it like it is. I can't get enough.

Well, that should hold you over for a few more months hahaha.

Freedom.

My punishment is over in the morning.

It was very difficult.

I need a life. Maybe if I had a boyfriend I would ditch this hobby.

Okay who am I kidding.

Other than that I guess everything is normal. Car got fixed (was only something stuck in the AC so no big bill, God is amazing as I write this from my new Mac), car got ridiculously clean due to the car wash workers incompetence in distinguishing 'seats' from 'carpet'.

I've had soooo much school work and looking at my planner for the weeks ahead just stresses me out. I just started in my first grade classroom this week too so I'll be in there twice a week. It's been good so far.

My good friend Ashley of 9 years is coming down to visit me this weekend. Should be fun. I think all the people in my life are awesome and have been constantly reminded of that lately. My Biola friends, my Visalia friends, my church friends, my housemates, my boss, my mom (most the time...we have gotten a lot better now that I am really on my own).

Ok...see ya...

Punished.

I am being punished by 2 of my housemates. My punishment is absolutely no Kelly Clarkson for nine days. I had to turn in my posters, ALL cds (even burned ones, which is all that plays in my car), my dvd, and my lifesize cutout of her. I am not allowed to listen to her song, talk about her at all, read anything about her online, and if I hear her in a store, or someone talks to me about her, I simply have to walk away (Walk Away…haha).

What did I do to deserve this you may ask? Well, my housemate Lindsey and I went to the Brea Mall to go to H&M. As she was checking out, there was a (gay) boy ringing us up. I recognized him and I knew what I was about to do would be epic. So I tapped Lindsey, raised my eyebrows, and said: “watch this…”. She gave me the most confused look, not knowing WHAT I was going to do, since I am usually the shyest, most awkward person around others. This is what took place next:

Me: “is your name Tyler ?”
Tyler: “yes, how did you know?! I don’t even have my nametag on!”
Me: “Haha, do you like Kelly Clarkson?”
Tyler: “ummm YES. Like borderline OBSESSED! My friends make fun of me! How did you know?!”
Me: “I’ve seen you at some concerts and on the online message boards!”
:::WE HIGH FIVE:::
Tyler: “No way that’s awesome! What concerts?!”
Me: “Wango Tango in Irvine , Costa Mesa …”
Tyler: “No way! Did you go to San Diego too?!”
Me: “No, just Costa Mesa…”
Tyler: “OMG, the San Diego show was AWESOME, they let us run to the front row at the end!”
Me: “NO WAY!”
Tyler: “Yeah! Are you going to Vegas in the fall, I just booked my hotel! I’m so excited”
Me: “No, I was going to but I am just going to Fresno instead. We just went to the free LA concert last week for Jimmy Kimmel.”
Tyler: “NO WAY, I was there too!”
Me: “Awesome! You got to meet her at Wango Tango right??”
Tyler: “yes, oh my gosh I was so nervous. Isn’t she the best though?”
Me: “yes, I am so jealous!”
Tyler: “What’s your username on the fanclub?”
Me: “Deeeeeb, but I don’t post, I just read haha. So you work here?”
Tyler: “Yeah for like a month now.”
Me: “Awesome, well nice meeting you!”

Me: “Ahhhhhhhhhhh, hahahahahha, can you believe this?!”
Lindsey: “No Deb. Find a ride home.”

So since I embarrassed her, she and Delia came up with a punishment: 9 days no Kelly, because that’s how many times she wanted to kill herself when she was standing there with me.

It’s day 4 and has been hard because of Grammy submissions being made, and her first fall tour show tonight…

Thursday, when my punishment is up, they are letting me watch the View, since Kelly will be on. But I have to say how great Carrie Underwood is during the commercials…which is hard for me.

Anyways, I’m leaving the country because it’s so hard. Just kidding, I am going on a missions trip to Mexico today through Sunday, so I wouldn’t be able to be tempted anyways.
This 9 days will be good for me. But this is possibly the funniest story of all time.

Life's hard.

Picture this: I am about to buy a Macbook Pro (comes with a free Ipod touch!!!!!) and am on the phone with my mother because I am unsure if I am making a wise decision with such a big purchase. But after reliving the moment of when my PC turned itself off and died for an hour earlier that day, I decided if I don't get a reliable computer now with leftover student aid money, I would not be getting one for a very long time since graduation isn't too promising.

However, before I purchase it, I say to my mother "As soon as I get this Mac though, something is going to go wrong with my car". My mom says "You don't know that, you're being ridiculous".

Am I? AM I?! Because I seem to remember things I say coming true a lot.
(I've been driving for a year now, and never been in an accident! ::gets in accident the next day::).
(just bought my car, had dark window tint on the front windows, I told everyone 'ya I have illegal tinting, I am gonna get a ticket probably'. ::gets ticket next week::).
(doesn't feel well after having strep twice in 2 months "I probably have strep again". ::goes to health center, strep test comes back positive even though I felt no symptoms in my throat::).

Anyways, as proved above, I know my luck. Last Wednesday my car started making a rattling, broken sound. After a few days of playing with it, I figured out it was only when the AC was on, thus my AC pump/compressor was on it's way out. My boss called his auto shop and they said about $700-$800 to fix it. Oh that's nice! Let me pull some money out of my butt.

I am going home Friday to get it fixed at my place back home (they know my car's history). However, I am very very very devastated at the thought of shipping my mac back when I haven't even opened it yet. I even had the ipod engraved. It just doesn't seem fair to me. I guess God could be telling me that I shouldn't have bought a computer but I really can't use this one much longer.

Most college students would have parents helping them out in a situation like that. My parents help with nothing. My dad just sent me $100 for the first time in 3 years, thinking he was being generous. My mom doesn't have it, and if she did she wouldn't give it to me considering I have to pay for my own meals when I go home. So I will probably end up turning to one of my student loans to get it fixed.

I'm just really sad. I also love that car and don't understand how the AC could go out like that. I hardly ever use it, I'm always colder than anyone else. It has 46,000 miles on it and is 5 years old. Also my bumper seems to be falling off since someone decided to hit me.

I feel a lot like my car lately. Trying to hold it together to make it through.

In good news though, I had my graduation pictures taken today. That felt weird. I also get to go home this weekend and see one of my best friends for the first time in months and celebrate her 21st birthday a little late.

Oh and I'm going to see Britney Spears tomorrow night :) Jordin Sparks is opening. I can't decide who I am more excited to see...