Summer Camp.

If I could, I'd write every detail down. But that would take forever and bore most of you, so I'll stick to what's important.

I got sick (in friggin AUGUST) the day before we left for camp. This always happens before a big event, and was due to the stress I was feeling at work. I was THIS close to not being able to go on the trip because of how awful I was feeling. There's nothing I hate more than this aspect of myself, because then I have to let people down constantly, tell them I'm sick, and most of the time people think I'm being a baby, when in reality I power through sickness constantly and am tougher than most people.

SO, I sucked it up and hoped for the best. I medicated myself, got up at 5am the morning of the trip, and off we went...

I soon understood why I was so close to not making it on this trip. Within 2 days, one of the girls accepted Christ and I got to pray with her. She wanted to get baptized right away, but is going to wait a bit. It was such a sweet moment, not only because we cried together, but because she is the younger sister of one of my 8th grade girls from last year. THEN, a few days later, a girl who was having a rough time also asked me to help her give her life to Christ. I was blown away at the decisions these girls were making and how important I was to them. It was great for me as well, as I got to realize that I'm not just "the new girl" anymore, which is how I felt almost everywhere I went (I longed for the community of my home church where we were lifetime members). So many girls were loving on me all week, and wanted assurance that I wasn't going to leave them. I felt honored that God had me in His plan all along. And I also got a new understanding of how real the enemy works against us to try and mess up God's plan...if I hadn't have gone, those girls may not have wanted to confide in someone they didn't know.

The second greatest part of this trip was getting to know so many adults and staff that I casually knew, but really got to spend time with. Again, it just reaffirmed that I felt at home finally....there were so many deep conversations had every night and many relationships built. I love walking into church on Sundays now and being able to greet so many of these adults that I call my friends now. Love that about my church.

Finally, the coolest thing I realized is how blessed I am. I kind of stepped blindly into this jr high ministry in early 2012, when they were desperate for help. Everyone was so great but it took me awhile still to feel like a part of it. If they hadn't have pursued me, I probably would have given up. There was one time I was unsure if I should stay in the ministry or move on and God made it clear that He wanted me to stay. It hasn't been the easiest ride, since many changes have happened and I'm definitely not new anymore, but there's such a peace in knowing you're exactly where God wants you. I think back to last school year when I found out I'd be partnered with my coleader, and how she is a great friend to me now. I'm so thankful that I got such a great friendship out of that. And now this year, I also am so thankful for the awesome friendship the other leader and I have already developed at camp...God really knows who to pair together. It's just so fun for me to think back on my journeys at the multiple churches I've attended, each one so special and dear to my heart.

I'll never forget camp this year. The loose boat at night time, hitting another boat, driving jet skis, all 3 boats septic tanks overflowing on the last day, and all the time on the water we got to spend together. I need to remember this the next time I'm feeling defeated about an event.

Change.

Usually I don't like change. But right now I appreciate it.

I love the internet for a huge reason: it serves as a giant time capsule. This could be bad if you are a celebrity and want people to forget certain things.

I have so much of the last 13 years of my life documented.

Anyone that knows me knows how much I love twitter. I just feel like I learn so much from the community of people I follow! Hahaha. I love the immediate news coverage, always being in the know, and making new friends (okay, okay, mostly in the Kelly Clarkson fandom, but they are still some of my favorite friends!). I also need that accessibility to celebs. Hahahaha. But overall, I love that twitter recently added a feature to go and look through your old tweets in your "archive" because before that, you could only go back a certain amount, and for people with like 14k tweets (yup), that just won't do. Now so many memories are remembered in 140 characters.

Then there was my student teaching blog, to document every step of that journey. I remember how many times I didn't want to write in that thing but still forced myself to so that I would remember what I felt. And if I hadn't, all of that would be forgotten and the change would have gone undocumented.

Going back through posts on this blog since 2008 on this blog show so much growth and such a journey. I thought I never wrote in this thing enough but am thankful for the many posts I see now, all the way from college sophomore, to graduation, to job search, to this rut.

Before 2008, I am so thankful for facebook, and even myspace, that documented so many funny memories of beginning college friendships that would last a lifetime.

And before that, xanga. Oh xanga. I love that you serve as a great reminder of my dramatic teenage self (age 13-19!!!) and hopefully I can use you someday to raise a sassy diva adolescent of my own. (SO many "the world is over, I wanna die" posts, it makes me want to make a "world is over, I wanna die" post right now).

And yes, even before THAT, I have emails from my first email account that remind me of how I'd race home after 7th grade, call friends on their house phones, and then email them back and forth for the afternoon.

Not to mention all those saved AIM convos...mortifying.

So thank you technology. My future children won't thank you because they will be embarrassed there are this many memories of their mother, but I do.

Below is even a little treat: my xanga page from 2002.

My Nineveh.

If it's possible to feel that life is moving so slowly, yet incredibly fast at the same time, then I'm living that way.

For instance, I'm a month away from starting my 3rd year of teaching. THIRD YEAR. Of a career. Time has flown.

On the contrary, I feel stuck in so many ways. Life feels so boring at times. I try not to get stuck in that kind of thinking, with try being the key word. It's hard though not to think of the routine you're in: work, church, same friends, same people trying to set you up with boys but really just accomplishing a realization of how no one is interested (also, why do people think a good question to ask a forever single girl is "how have you been single your whole life?" cause that always stings. Why people think I have an answer for that is beyond me). But, I keep trusting that God's plan is so much better than mine. Because it is. And sometimes, even though it's the last thing I want to hear, I remind myself that getting married is not promised to me. God might have other plans for my life that involve no husband.

Lately work has been rough. Real rough. And it's only summer school, so that was unexpected.

I'm enrolled at Biola to start school in the fall (ONE MONTH AWAY). I'll be "clearing" my credential (because all that work you do is just for a "preliminary" teaching credential and you have to "finish" it once you actually start working full time) by doing 4 more classes. I'm technically signed up to work on my Master's Degree at the same time, but with the way work is and rough road that lies ahead, I'm debating on waiting. I also am thinking of going into Speech Pathology eventually and no classes except Communicative Disorders classes will count towards that, so a Master's would be a waste if that was the road I chose, not to mention I'd basically need a new Bachelor's degree as well. But I keep thinking of career wise...I can't stay where I'm at forever. I know ministry is part of this job, and I absolutely love it, but realistically it's probably not going to be forever.

I am very thankful that I have a stable living situation finally, after so many horror stories. I'm very thankful for the friends that remain a constant, as so many friendships fade and I see no efforts made to reciprocate. I am very thankful for a church that is welcoming and where great things are happening. I am thankful for a God who always provides for me in the midst of life's trials.

Fall is approaching and I know it will show me many sicknesses, many breakdowns, many relationships tested, many tears, many (oh so many) frustrations, but hopefully many rewards. I'm reminded of a small group I joined in May. Frustrated with the options available for young adults who are in their mid twenties and NOT MARRIED (imagine that), my friend and I joined a young adults group at another church. At the first meeting ever, when I was hesitant about the time commitment I was making, the new friendships I "didn't  have time for", and my purpose of being there, it was very clear to me that God wanted me there as a girl admitted on the very first night that her mom was suffering from psychotic episodes, something that hits home for me. We shed tears together, and that was huge for me, as most close friends haven't even witnessed that. That night told me that there was a reason and purpose for this new commitment.

Anyways, in small group, we've been doing a study on Jonah and what our own "Nineveh" challenge may be: something we do NOT want to do, and do NOT understand. I felt dumb because I couldn't put my finger on a challenge I was refusing...everything seemed boring and unchanging in my life.

Then I found out my Nineveh would happen in the fall. I was angry, frustrated, and unwilling. Still am, honestly. Even though we finished the Jonah book, I understood why God made sure I did it...I was going to need it a little bit later.

So, here's to you fall 2013: I will not run away. And I will not get swallowed by a whale.

Soon.

What up 18 month blogging break? Sorry about that.

The thing is, I've been pouring my heart out on Tumblr every once in awhile, if you can find posts of substance between Kelly Clarkson nonsesnse and things I find funny/relatable. So at least some things have been documented.

This is such a weird life stage for me...which is why I don't really know what to say yet. This seems to be true in real life as well these days, when people ask "what's God doing in your life lately?" or "how have you been?" I'm slow to speak and long to think, with an unsure answer as a conclusion. 

All I know right now is I want to document. I found my blog I had during student teaching and was so thankful I did that. I found emails from 2002 (freshman year of high school) and was so thankful that technology serves as a time capsule for so much now. So sorry for this lack of update update, but know that it's being pondered and is coming soon.

I have a great room mom.

She captured the years best moments so far.

that face usually describes how I’m feeling.

A day in the life.

6:30am: my body wakes me up, but I can tell it's too dark for my alarm to go off yet. I usually grab my phone (aka alarm), hold it, and go back to sleep until it goes off.
7:00am: alarm goes off. snooze.
7:10am: snooze.
7:15am: Okay I am seriously getting up now. snooze.
7:20am: Okay I have to get up now.
7:25am: I finally pep talk myself out of bed.
7:30am: staring at my closet for 5 minutes, deciding how to stay the warmest/comfiest while looking professional. I usually decide on multiple pairs of leggings/tights and a long sweater/sweater dress so that I can wear boots. If I don't wear boots with 2 pairs of socks, my feet freeze all day long. I can only wear flats/heels when it's hot. Don't ask me why this is, I live in Southern California where the average is 75 degrees this week. But I do walk to work in the morning when it is 45 degrees and I wear a parka like jacket and a scarf.
7:50am: I have brushed my teeth, washed my face, put foundation on, and done something with my hair. I almost always have my front, short layers out of my face, or they will drive me crazy all day long. My kids get picky and aren't afraid to tell me when I look like crap.
7:55am: I take my 3 vitamins (yes. 3. and I still am sick as a dog). I eat breakfast. My favorite cereal is brown sugar maple frosted mini wheats from Trader Joe's. If I am out of that, I have Special K. Cereal is the easiest for me. I NEVER skip breakfast. I would feel sick if I did, and it gets your metabolism going for the day.
8:05am: I walk to school. I talk with the crossing guard in Spanish. This week we are talking about how I am sick and she was sick last week. She tells me to "cuidense" and I say "y tu tambien."
8:15am: I am in my classroom. I pray for my day, and look over my lessons for the day. Sometimes a parent stops in with something they think they need to tell me. I go online for a few minutes.
8:30am: I go out to get my class. One of my favorite parts of the day. We do our pledges (American flag, Christian flag, Bible) and then pray.
8:45am: chaos. We start calendar. This takes 10 minutes alone for them to figure out what day it is. We count our days in school. We talk about the weather. We practice our memory verse.
9:00am: Bible. Right now we are on Jesus and His disciples. They love Bible time.
9:25am: Prayer and Share time. They can talk about prayer requests but they usually just tell irrelevant stories, which I love.
9:30am: snack time. the snack prayer person prays for snack.
9:35am: I use the bathroom, eat my snack (usually a banana and string cheese). I go online. I get out everything I need for the next lesson.
10:00am. Kids come back in. There are usually 1 or 2 crying after they got hurt or fought with a friend. It's always something new. We start language arts now.
11:15am: LUNCH. It's usually soup, but I allow myself to eat carbs at lunch, because I get so hungry working all day and it's early enough to burn them off. They are one of the only things that really fill me up too. Today I had a spinach salad, cup of pasta, an apple, and hot tea. I go online again, check parent emails, catch up on work and get ready for after lunch.
11:55am: bell rings, I get my class again. This is one of the hardest parts of the day. They are tired or too crazy and complain about everything. I am trying to get kids to finish their worksheet from before lunch and my aide takes her lunch, so it is always chaos and I am alone. They all work at different paces so the kids that are done are causing trouble and I am trying to work with the slow ones so they get to learn everything too. Once we finish that, we do math.
1:00pm. NAP TIME. I usually make some tea and have another snack (eating every 2 hours is the best for your metabolism). I take a walk to fill up my water bottle (I go through 3 water bottles a day. One because it's good for me, and two because my voice needs it.) My aide brings me a mini chocolate bar from the office usually. I write notes home during this time for the trouble makers. I enter grades. I assess/work with kids that need one on one.
2:00pm: Nap time over. We finish whatever we need to, sometimes we have centers, sometimes social studies, sometimes a craft. All of it chaos.
2:40pm: I start calling kids over to write in their folders on how they did. This just started this week. I have a new classroom management plan where their behavior is based on a traffic light. So if they ended on red, I write about their severe behavior. If they ended on green, I get to praise them. The parents get a daily report.
2:55pm. GOODBYE CLASS.
3:00pm: I talk with my aide about whatever crazy things happened that day. I get things cleaned up and ready for tomorrow. The other Kinder teacher calls and complains about something and then usually wants to meet. Today I was stuck there until 5 going over curriculum for next year (we are switching, so everything I am learning this year is pointless because it's all going to be new). I usually eat again after school because I am starving. Usually a bowl of oatmeal.
5:00pm: This is usually the average time I leave and walk home. I call my mom sometimes on my walk home. I get home and do my dishes from the day and I make myself a smoothie to get myself another serving of fruit and to feed my hunger until I make dinner.
6:00pm. I make dinner. I usually know what I am going to make based on what I have. I try to have a lot of lean protein/veggies for dinner, so I will thaw chicken or fish or a turkey burger and marinade and cook it. Last night was my favorite dinner in awhile. Whole grain pita with hummus, mediterranean chicken, lemon, and spinach. Tonight was fish (you LOVE that, Jess Pugh) and rice. My health is a direct result of my eating habits so I only have 1 day a week where I eat whatever I want. All the other days I stay strict and really try to eat good/all natural, because anything artificial or preserved will work against my immune system even more. I really try to think about the food pyramid too and try to get my dairy/whole grains/fruits and veggies in.
7:30pm. Ready to veg online and catch up with friends and television.
9:30pm: I start winding down. I get ready for bed, read my Bible, write in my journal for a few minutes. I try to be asleep by 10:30 but it depends on how I feel.
This is pretty much it, Monday through Friday. Pretty lonely, which is why my weekends are so sacred to me. I am sick right now and hate living in Long Beach, where I don't have anyone to bring me treats or keep me company. It's lonely here a lot. But I'm content. I have a lot of things that keep me busy and a lot of people to talk to. and I know I am doing exactly what God made me to do, which makes me so happy all the time.

Kindergarten for Life.

Haven't updated in awhile for all my friends that have me bookmarked..yes, all 2 of you.

I showed the kids a cartoon movie on Martin Luther King. This resulted in multiple kids crying and saying how mean the white people are. Which meant I had to cancel my lesson and have a discussion time instead about Martin Luther King.

Thursday was Crazy Hair Day. I love dress up days more than when I did as a kid haha. I had blue hair, as seen from this photo:

walking out to get my kids was the best thing ever. Just them screaming and pointing and me pointing back at them.

Friday, Liz came to observe my class and got to see the craziness of it. So fun. Of course everyone and their mom needed me/was looking for me that day. My job is never boring.

Today I sent my first kid to the principal's office. It was hard for me but I had to follow through. He was being violent and I said if he did one more thing, he would go to the principal. He then yelled "I HATE EVERYONE!!!!!!!" so I had to follow through after that haha. It was kind of hilarious. I was laughing behind my hands when he left. My class was HORRIBLE today. They lost recess and library tomorrow and I wrote 3 notes home. After this kid went to the principal, all other eyes were on me and they all looked like deer in headlights. I said "yeah...you all better watch out...or you know where you will end up too..."

Quotes:

"Miss Bechtel is it Crazy Hair Day for you AGAIN?!" (I was asked this today. So the answer is no, I just apparently look like crap and had my crazy scrunched hair because I am lazy).

A boy was sucking his knee on the carpet. I thought he was giving himself a hickey, but not to worry. He explained that he was only "sucking on his boo boo."

With all that good, comes a little bad. I am a bit stressed about some work relationships. The other Kinder teacher I have to work very closely with stresses me out, complains about everything and yesterday was in my room, practically in tears about being stressed and how we shouldn't do all these things the administration asks us too. It's really not a big deal (she is computer challenged and her problems wouldn't exist if she used the computer). The only part I get stressed about is when she complains about all of it. So she has been using the word "we" (as in her and me) a lot...saying "next time, we just aren't going to do it. We have had it. We need to confront so and so..." and I have never spoken the words she has so I just don't want to get caught up in this ugly situation. I don't want to be grouped in with her when she is complaining to others about everything, but I also can't sit there and tell her "it's really not something to stress about" when she is crying about everything to me in my room. There is just a lot going on with that. I am not really letting it get to me though. I wake up everyday, super excited about my job and about the fact that I haven't been sick in a month and I haven't had a headache in awhile!! That's all I need to be happy right now.